Privacy: anonymous

 I’m going to be sending my docs a message letting them know
I’ve been doing well as far as anxiety goes and am starting just one 75 a week,
with the rest being 88. While I’m at it, I’m going to mention the fatigue. I’ll
explain that I’ve been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep more
often, not waking up refreshed most days, and see what they say. 


It’s strange how I could sleep 8 hours two days ago and felt
tired the first few hours of my day while I just got up from 5 hours of sleep
and I feel more rested. 


I love it when I remember enough of my dreams to write about
them, even if they’re not good. T and I were living in a tiny house somewhere.
There was just one room on one side and a bathroom and a kitchenette on the
other. I slept on a twin bed along the back wall and he had a twin bed along
the side wall. 


A young woman in her 20s or 30s that we had met previously
came to the door while he was asleep. I let her in, even though I wasn’t sure I
liked her very much. She just didn’t seem all there. She stayed briefly and
then returned later. At this time, she lay down on my bed and pulled the
comforter over her head. Then she started nonstop rambling about everything and
nothing. I could clearly see she was bipolar, paranoid, and delusional. At one
point she mentioned something about having to train me. Sick of listening to it
and having no tolerance for the mentally ill any more than rude people, I said
I had been up since 4 in the morning and asked her to leave, which she did. 


I also had a dream about Johnson for the first time in ages.
She and I were having a friendly chat and she told me she would marry me in 10
to 15 years. She knew I was still with T and in her mind, she may have
thought he would be gone then. 


Realizing she never told me her first name as she was
walking away, I called out “Rachel!” to see if she would turn around. She
didn’t, though. 


Too bad I could never find her on Facebook. I don’t harbor
any hard feelings anymore and I would love to say hello and see how her life
has been even though I’m sure she wouldn’t reply whether or not she blocked me.
I realize that as far as her blowing me off, that’s just how people are, not
that people shouldn’t keep their word unless they have a good excuse not to. 


I’ve only heard the dog once in the last few days, but I
think that’s because I haven’t been around in the mid-afternoon to early
evening when it seems to be heard the most. I heard a few barks yesterday, but
nothing too loud or annoying. Still dread it when the weather cools down and
people open their windows. I know I’m gonna hear the damn thing bark every time
someone goes into the kitchen and it gets all excited in anticipation of being
fed or when someone comes to the door or they go out somewhere and leave the
mutt home. 


My nails aren’t quite as sensitive after what I suspect was
a chemical burn from the gel remover, but I do have discoloration. Not the
yellow and brownish discoloration I had from the fungus, but more like a red
irritated look. It extends from the middle of the nails to the tips. Hopefully,
it will grow out and I’ll be as good as new again. I’m not doing anything else
to my nails for a while. 


Mrs. T still says it’s been quieter there “for some
reason” and that still bugs me, even though I know it can’t be as quiet as it
is here. Not when you’re on a busy street in a big city. And like the trash
collectors are suddenly using the smaller, quieter trucks they use here where a
guy jumps off the back to grab the trash and they’re in and out? I wouldn’t be
surprised if there were fewer planes and projects, though. I’ve been up for an
hour and I’ve already heard four planes as late as it is. 


She says the only dog she sometimes hears is M’s.
Figures G would shut her dog up after we leave. 


It hit me as I was falling asleep that S could
have allowed public comments sooner or later than she started making more
things public. I remember having A check her account because I was curious if
she made anything public about me and she couldn’t see much of anything. So
yeah, she could have started allowing comments from anyone right after I sent
the messages. Discovering this gives me a little more hope that the messages
really did go through and were seen. Well, I knew they went through because I
saw that much. I just had no way to tell if Facebook blocked them from being
able to view the messages, or if they didn’t get them. As funny as it may
sound, I really do hope her allowing public comments are because of me, LOL.
There’s just something amusing about her doing this in hopes of “getting” me and
me knowing she’ll never get what she wants. If I knew T and I were about to
die, I would certainly leave a message, even though there still wouldn’t be
anything she could do about it from a legal standpoint. I just wouldn’t want
T to find out about it somehow so that’s why I’m quiet for now. 


I’m still a little surprised she would risk embarrassing
herself with what I may say about her, but I guess hoping to get me is worth whatever
that may be. There are plenty of people out there willing to spite themselves to
spite others. My guess is she’s either hoping I’ll write something she can
legally use against me or she wants me to reach out so she can reply with
“sensitive,” false and nasty “info.” Something like, “You’ve been in jail.
You’ve been in funny farms. You’re going to be arrested,” as if that would
really hurt, LOL.  


As I said, I would gladly return the trolling as immature as
it may be and as much as I’d be stooping to their level if it weren’t for T.
I would just keep it legal. She really could have gotten her ass in trouble for
threatening me in a recording in her own voice. She only did it because she
knew I wouldn’t bother to waste time reporting her. It was still a daring but
bold move on her part. A stupid one too. 


Damn the fucking motorcycles blazing by the estate! I know it’s
Friday night but still. It’s the middle of the night. Have some fucking


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i wish to die