I cried while commuting today

Why life is so complicated.

Life is only one. What's the purpose of life, if we are not happy. I have seen my parents fighting, they were not happy with each other. That made us, as their children, unhappy. 

If you are living with a person with whom you are not feeling good, what is the purpose then. Why on earth you are living with them.

If that person has harmed you for 10-12 years. Made you feel bad all the time, dominated you al the time, did not respect you at all. Will you forget their past, would you move on.

Very difficult for me. I'm not able to digest. I'm not able to live like this.

I don't want to die like this. 

The questions are:

• why this life
• why not break-up
• wht would happen to kids
• will this end on happy note
• will i live happy after that
• should i care about my parents now, who will feel bad about our breakup.
  Afterall, its my life. Why people live someone else's life.

I always think, the day, I will by dying. I will be thinking, I could change my life. I did not take harsh decisions. Now, I'm dying. I had no happy life. I did not live with the people I loved. I lived with someone, who didn't like me, I didn't like her. And, we lived because “What people will think of us”, “How would parents feel”.

All this is bull-shit, societal pressure. 

The stress is too much. We easily switch jobs when we do not like it. Why not partners? Why this is made so complicated.

Yesterday she asked, why you are not talking to me. And she was like, when I talk to people that you sleep in separate room, their reaction is like WHAT! I said, I'm sleeping like this from past few years. You are thinking this now as what others think? She was in mood of amending things. But, there is something dead from inside. I have no feelings for her, absolutely zero. I have told her this many times ago. I did not say it this time.

A relation builds up in initial days. She screwed it every single day. I have mentioned this before as well. When you think of some person, you have some picture in your mind, or some attribute. If I have to think about her, it's her angry face, egoistic voice, dominating nature. Nothing else. 

I don't know when was the last time, I did talk to her what I'm feeling. She did make fun of my failures, she insulted me in my initial poor days, she never motivated me, she never stood with me in my low times. She betrayed me, she abused my parents, always made me guilty of small things that she does. She is happy till the time, I'm spending on her.

Now, I have become an irritated person. I become easily irritated.