Adulthood sucks

I still remember when I was a child I always thought about growing up. Now, I am 21, a young, lazy, or seemingly useless girl who is frequently in a bad mood. I don't smile often. I don't know how I ended up like this. When I was a child, I used to be smart and creative, but now it feels like my brain isn't working properly. I've grown to dislike my family and friends. Instead of solving problems, everything seems to be getting more complicated. I really want to be alone, but I don't know how to handle it. It feels like my life has come to a stop. It's as if someone started a car and sent me on a journey, but the roads are really hard, and even though the instructions are there, I just don't feel like using them. I'm just going through the motions, dealing with difficulties. 

I don't know why growing up feels so difficult. Why do we forget how to laugh? Small things start to irritate us. I feel like doing everything alone, but I can't handle anything. Even my family leaves me alone. It's like turning into a living corpse. I wish I had never grown up. This life journey feels so tough at this age, and I don't know what else I'll have to endure in the future. I don't even know if I'll be able to survive.