A video that brought me to tears

An American black who defied all odds and was the only one graduated from Navy Seal School and the other armies departments which I cannot recall. I broke down. I could relate how he feel and he relied on himself through the messy process of dropping half of his size, surpassed the glass ceiling and finally becoming a motivational speaking.

I paused as I wanted to call Joanne and tell her how I am feeling right now. I decided to turn it into P.R.A.Y.E.R.S instead.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me. I cannot even utter what and how I am feeling right now. I am battling fatigue and it is freaking real and I need Your strength and grace to pull through today. Anxiety hits me all time high right before I wake up. 45% of Yujie's slots will be emptied by end of September. I can only fix my eyes on You. I dont know what to do liao. Even my side, 3/10 classes have graduated. Should I fold the business? I was weary battling all these insecurities for years of running the business. Worrying this and that. 

I am so drained. Perhaps recovering from the recent bout of cold makes me down and out. Lift me up, Oh Lord. Jesus, help me. I am so unwell and cannot think or process. But only to plough through the day grind. I am in so much pain, mentally. Death spirit seems to whisper, “ You have nothing to hope for. Why dont you just end it all?”

What if I cannot cry out ? Can you listen to my inner cry ? time to work..