Vengeance is mine , says the Lord

I was listening to youtube podcasts on living life simply. Certain people's lives sharing stirred up the deepest feelings within me. Pain, guilt, shame, hatred and more pain. 

I just shared with a HK friend last night about my family and especially my strained relationship with my mom. She showed me a perspective which I have never seen before. Yes, life dealt me a deck of cards, but I played the cards with humour. She said this is innate and it is a talnt which I have never seen it before. She asked me, can humour be created? Nope. 

When I was feeling physically weak from the period, cooking for myself, my parents and my student, I listened to people from all walks of life, around the world. Pain is not a stranger to anyone.

Somehow, I felt super angry. Why must I suffer in silence? God, why cant I take the matter into my hands. Can I go to Cantonment police station and report the matter that was hidden for 25 years? I already knew what to do. A wave of pain hits me and hot scalding tears flow down. My vision is blurred. I know exactly what he did to me and I know I am very different after that. The #Metoo movement is affecting me a lot. The victims in Taiwan stepped up and report to the police. They are fully aware of the consequences but they dont want to be silenced anymore. God, why cant I do it as well?

I am shaking now. Time to work.