The beginning of penning

I have been thinking to journal since long , but the procrastinator that I am, always managed to distract myself into something else, be it social media dopamine dose or work that appear as urgent but not really important ! But I guess we always reach the limit when the dopamine does not give any more kick but a taste of guilt or a subtle taste of self loathing for being out of control !

So finally here I am, starting to write my journal.

I am forty six, working and earning reasonably to support my self and my family. 

But the question that often haunts  “is that all ?” what is the purpose of this life ?

I don't know its purpose but I know for sure that its not going up in the ladder of money, position, name or fame. May be its a good thing to know this, may be its a good starting point to look for something that has real meaning, but it also comes with its downside as there is no drive to achieve anything. The lure of the world does not work any more. The going becomes harder as there is no carrot hanging.

The choices I am left with either to dig deep for that REAL or waste the opportunity by self-sabotage. I am aware that finding That REAL will not be easy, it will take a lot of everything. But that is the only path forward for me (or at least I am consciously not willing to choose self sabotage !)

The starting point of that path for sure is discipline and consistency of effort which I have always struggled with. So the effort to journal my thoughts is also an effort for discipline and consistency. Is it very late ? Will find out.