Frustrated!

After https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/omg-she-needs-weekend-to-fight.-i-had-to-raise-my-voice-to-stop-her,

How stupid we people are. I mean, marrying someone is the biggest decision of anyone's life. Its bigger than getting a job, bigger than getting a promotion, bigger than everything else. As you have to deal with it every single day.

If the The person to whom you are marrying, is the one you know or you love. Its heaven. Its not like love marriages doesn't end with divorce. But, at least its a decision that two people takes.

I'm feeling so trapped now, and terrible and frustrated. I agreed to marry a girl to whom I just met for an hour. That too, where I was just giving answers to her questions and probably asking some stupid questions. How come that one hour decide my entire life, for at least 50 years.

No, it can not decide that.

I've been married for 12 years, and as I grow more. I'm feeling like why I did take that decision. 

The problem

We are not at all compatible. I do not want to bring the points that I hate about her. Its only about compatibility. We do not have anything in common. Our parents forced us and we agreed.

I did get golden chances to break our relation before marriage. How stupid I was. And, I did not discuss with anyone.

Its very important to have some close friends or at least someone to whom you share something personal. I never shared anything with anyone. Probably, that someone could force me not to marry this girl.

Why not leave now

I'm trapped with my beautiful kids. I just can not leave them. I know how wonderful our legal system is. She would take custody of at least one child. I can not live without anyone of them. Going away from my kids, makes me sad. There was a time, when I discussed with one of counsellor. And, she advised me to take divorce. As, its the best decision for my kids too. And, I almost decided. But, no. I melted.

I know, if I chose to live away from her. It would be the greatest decision of my life. In the end, its my life. And, what is the point, if I live it with full of sadness in life.

I do not talk to her much, and try to avoid almost any kind of conversation. She tried a lot to talk to me. I'm just so much fed up with her.

I can not discuss anything with her. I mean, we are not at all compatible. I never forced, or impose anything on her. She wants to be my boss every single time.

Thoughts

I don't think I will ever be take decision of going away from her. But, I do think about going away alone sometime, when my kids will go for higher studies or later.

I'm so successful today. But, what is the point when I'm not happy from inside.