Never a priority.

I feel like in the 35 years I've been alive I've never been a priority to anyone. Dating back to my childhood the only person I would say ever "put me first" is my mother, but throughout years of friendships and relationships I've always felt the need to appease the other party so I stay in "favor" with them and not lose my standing as a friend. When I tell you that the pain hurts even worse when you stop to think about it on a cool night, at 4 in the morning while the moon is bathing you with light. It's heart wrenching and I feel like it's something I'll never recover from. I don't think this is a "wound to heal" per se, maybe to scar over and keep moving....but if I've made it 35 years alive today, I can make it another 35; but it will never be as someone's priority. I've come here because I needed a place to displace my loneliness, funnily enough I am surrounded by people in a fairly sized city and in a big family with a circle of "Friends" but I am still incredibly lonely and disheartened.