life update :/

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im currently not having school because of end of the year holiday but right after this holiday, my school gonna have a test and it's full format and i bet it's tough bcs my school is kinda an ass. it's been like a month and i still haven't started anything yet and i hate myself for that. i haven't started studying yet, im gonna go back to school in two-three weeks and im mentally not ready. i really hatey school eventhough i've been there for 4 years and i still hate it. that school ruins me and rn, i don't even have the will to study. im just studying for the sake of my mom and i don't like that. i personally, love doing things with my own will and rn, im not enjoying it. i know that i don't have to like my school bcs majority of people doesn't like them either but im not like that. i have to at least like a little bit so that i can push myself to do something but rn, im lost. i can't function rn. my brain is stuck and i can't do this anymore. i hate school from the core of my heart and i really wanna change school but my mom wouldn't let me. she told me that my school is an elite school and it can make things better for my future and i know that but how am i supposed to learn anything if i can't open my mind to it? im so done. i wanna run but where am i supposed to go? i really wanna x-x but my religion against it. im stuck man, im stuck. it sucks bcs i can't fucking do anything. i just have to act like im okay with fucking everything. im tired being a fcking people pleaser. pls. i wanna not be here anymore. im so fcking tired with this world and i just don't want it anymore. im fucking done . idk what to now. i don't see my future being bright just by being in that school. that school sucks ass and i hate it with all of my cell. nothing can change my view of that school. fuck u 


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