No Use Fighting It

anonymous
Privacy: anonymous


OK, I give up. I give up! I totally surrender to whatever
the fuck has been cursing my sleep. No more trying to soundproof the bedroom.
It's totally hopeless. No matter where we live, no matter what we do, things
always find a way to wake me up. If I was 100% deaf there would suddenly be sonic
booms or low-flying helicopters. Or maybe I would have more nightmares and have
to get up to pee more often if I didn't wake up more just because.  

  

Even when nothing is waking me up, I'm having more trouble
staying asleep. I don't know if that's just an age thing or if it could be
connected to the increase in my medication. I don't think it's on the
medication if I had to guess but if it is, I’ll probably get used to it in
time.  

  

But why bother to reinforce windows or dog houses if it's
all worthless anyway? Manufactured homes are practically made of cardboard.
First, the fucking mower woke me up. By the time he ran to the window to see
which one it was, it was gone. I'm guessing the stand-up. I'm sure that one
will be around more often too, just like I’ve been suspecting it will be. I'll
raise the volume of the Sleep Sounds and add an earplug, but I'm sure that
during the times I'm sleeping on mowing day, which is about every three weeks,
I'll get woken up no matter what. I don't think there's anything that can block
the stand-up in this kind of house because it's just so fucking loud.  

  

I really do have to put more effort into trying to sleep at
night only. If I'm going to be tired half of the time anyway, why not? I'm
usually up between 16 to 18 hours. So if I set the alarm for 6:00 AM, I'm going
to get 6 to 8 hours of sleep even though it's not literally 6 to 8 hours as
I've learned. We don't sleep the entire time we're in bed. If I crash at
midnight and get up at 9, I probably got 7 to 8 hours of sleep. What's pushing
my schedule forward regularly is that I can't always fall asleep at the same
time or get up at the same time. It's almost always later and later. If I could
at least sleep at night during storm season and when they're mowing more often,
that would really help a lot. But now I'm wondering if I'm even going to be
able to sleep through the motorcycle anymore when it returns. It's almost like my
bedroom is letting in even more sound as if to punish me for trying to fight
it. 

  

The second wake-up call came in the form of thunder. It was
loud and continuous for almost 2 hours. This is the way it's going to be just
about every day for months. I'm truly amazed that I'm not more tired than I am.
I was actually more tired yesterday. So much so that I didn't even do any VR
time or drink wine. I don't drink wine when I'm tired for some reason. I tried
to stay up until the mowers came, figuring that whatever is cursing my sleep
would be sure to have them come late. They usually come between 9:30 and 11:30,
but sure enough, I couldn’t hold out past 9 and they came at 11:15. So while I
crashed at 9 and got up at 7:45, I didn't even sleep for 7 hours. So if I
listen to my audiobook from 8 to 10 and then sleep from 10 to 6, I'll probably
get 5-6 hours of sleep on average. Hopefully, the time spent laying there
listening to audiobooks will help. 

  

I stupidly gave Nature Sounds another chance, but they still
stop playing after a while. I don't understand why the devs won't do anything
to fix the problem. I'm not the only one that's complained about the cut-outs.
I'll use Sleep Sounds, but the best it will do is drown out little stuff. It's
not going to do anything for loud motors or thunder. 

  

This month’s VZ challenge is to get to know the VZ team by
taking guided tours around their neck of the woods. You don't hear their voices
speaking, but there are bubble pop-ups that give you the highlights of the
areas. I'm in eastern MA right now. I don't miss the winters there, but I miss
those spacious houses with breathing room around them! Stuck up or not, I liked
Longmeadow. It was Springfield that I hated.  

  

Anyway, I was doing a Thailand trip before the challenges
came out. I'll get back to Thailand after I do these challenges. They're fun to
do, even though I would rather do something useful than just meet the team like
planting trees or feeding hungry kids whose poor parents should have been smart
enough not to have them or finding cures for diseases.  

  

J said that even though we're on opposite sides of the
coin where abortion is concerned, she still stands for women's rights and feels
the government has crossed the line (the focus should be on school shootings). But
if she doesn't have control over her own body, what rights does she have that most
people don't already have? Women can vote, work, own property, play sports, and
do pretty much the same things everyone else can do. She just doesn't always
have much say over her body, but then most of us don't. No one asks for sleep
disorders, birth defects, or autoimmune diseases, and for a few years In the
90s, I didn't ask to be exposed to DES. 

  

Still in a good mood, despite the frustration of the sleep
issues. I don't want to be beating on meat while he’s sleeping, but tomorrow
I'll decide whether or not to do the ribs I got in the cast iron skillet or the
cooker. I'm thinking I might try the skillet. These are boneless but cheaper.
For now, I'm making fried clams and I'm gonna do a veggie stir fry with the
garlic parmesan seasoning I got. 

   

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