I’m not sure why I allow myself to be hurt by you. You have this invisible power over me and I fucking hate it, why do I allow myself to succumb to this pain. I don’t wanna cry over you anymore. You’ll apologize and then do it again. I know at some point I have to gain some self respect and self worth but when it comes to you I don’t know how. I don’t know how to detach from you…I don’t know how to quit you and I want too. I finally realized that you didn’t love me like I loved you. You didn’t love me at all, you liked the power I gave you and how I made you feel. It’s like you look back to see if I’m still chasing you. I hate that I love you&nbsp;

Never ending cycle 

I miss being in love…I miss being loved by you. I don’t know if you genuinely loved me, I doubt it but I like to believe you did. I was so madly in love with you; one might say I was hopelessly devoted to you. I’m not sure why I’m yearning for what once was, I guess I like living in delusion&nbsp;

Yearning for what once was

I really don’t have much to say, but I’ve decided to go no contact with my family and increase my therapy session to once a week. I’ve also started taking medicine again, and all I can say is I’ve never felt better. There has been a shift in my life and I’ve felt actually happy. It’s like I finally know peace. I hope things continue to go this way but even if it doesn’t I’m prepared to make it through. I will say that I’m emotionally unavailable to everyone but I do feel inner peace for myself

Start anew 

We were never really together, it was just a facade but during the brief time I had you in my life I felt alive. I hadn’t been happy in a long time and you really made me feel like I was enough. I know I shouldn’t have based my happiness on you, that wasn’t fair to you and with me doing that I created unreal expectations. In my mind you made me feel safe; I felt worthy of love for once and I truly thought I hadn’t been in or experienced love until you. I wish I could take it all back because now I’m emotionally unavailable. I don’t feel anything for anyone in my life anymore, friends and family included. I don’t blame you for that, I was hurt way before you but I think you were my last straw. My foundation of sanity started to crack when you left my life. My chest feels heavy nonstop and I just feel myself slipping away. Idk what’s happening to me but it’s scary, who knew one person could cause all this pain. I knew from the beginning you were lovebombing me and I know how that ends but I couldn’t leave, you were just so nice and I was falling hard. I had the chance too and I even tried to end things with you early on but you were so adamant about staying so I gave in. I’m not sure why I can’t let you go and move on, it’s never took me this long to detach from someone. Who knew that my little highschool crush from years ago could cause all of this emotional damage. I really want to forget you ever existed because this heartache isn’t worth it

Unavailable 

I thought I was over you… I truly did. I started eating again, I stopped rereading our messages wondering where I went wrong or what I could’ve did to stop you from leaving, I stopped counting the days since we last spoke, and I even started going to therapy. I did all these things to forget you and heal but I still find myself reminiscing about the small things and wondering what we could’ve been. I thought I was over you but I still wake up and hope that I’ll see a text from you even though I know that I never will. I still randomly cry and wish that I could go back and change things because all I ever wanted was you. I’m not sure why I want someone who doesn’t think about me at all and discarded me with ease. The scariest part about all of this is that now I wonder if I truly loved you or if it was just attachment and me mistaking it for love. I’m not used to basic kindness and care from others so when I get it I tend to cling to that person… you were my person H. My heart still hurts when I think about you, I just wish all the memories of you could just be erased so I can finally let go.

Attachment issues

Well it’s officially my birthday and I couldn’t be more sad. I only have myself to celebrate with. I have no contact with my family and it’s not like they would reach out. Idk why but I feel extremely empty inside and I just want everything to go away.&nbsp;

Heres to 22

It’s been 25 days since we last spoke. I know my last message to you said pretend I don’t exist and that you were my biggest heartbreak which is true, but maybe I could’ve worded it differently. I was hurt and still am but I miss you and wish we could talk but I also despise you; it’s a thin line between love and hate. I honestly just want closure. I still cry randomly during the day and confide in my best friend about my heartbreak. I love him so much for being my rock during this but I just wish I could move on. My heart hurts more at night, I start to think about everything and questioning what’s wrong with me and why I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of crying and being miserable. I’m tired of hurting and hating myself and tearing myself apart, questioning why I’m not worthy enough to be loved; only used for temporary entertainment and lust. I bared my heart and soul to you, let you into my mind. I thought you were my safe space but I couldn’t be more wrong. You are a user and horrible person yet I love you and hate you at the same time. H you broke me irrevocably and I just want to let all the pain and memories of you to go away&nbsp;

Day 25

Everyday I tell myself I’ll be okay and that I don’t miss you but the more I lie to myself the more it hurts. The love I had for you burned brighter than a thousand suns. I know it’s cliche but I never realized I found love before you, you were my twin flame. When I think about you my heart pangs and my eyes well up with tears. I truly believe that in another universe, in another timeline, in a different world, we were meant to be… I just wish you felt the same. I guess once upon a time you did but maybe it was just temporary lust for you. I think what hurts more is that I’m emotionally broken from this and I probably don’t even cross your mind and you’re just living life per usual with whoever the next lucky girl is; just the thought of you sharing the passion and love I thought we had with someone else makes me physically sick to my stomach and I just want to curl up and cry. You’ll move onto the next while I’m just reminiscing in pain and delusion about what I thought we had

I miss you 

You broke me completely but yet I still long for you. I can be doing random activities and my mind would drift to memories of you or how you made me feel and then a wave of sadness would hit me, most times followed by tears. This isn’t fair that I’m affected so deeply by you leaving and you can care less. It sucks being an afterthought in someone’s mind, you’ve probably moved on while I’m just wallowing in self pity. I loved you with every fiber of my being and I thought you loved me too. Well atleast you said you did but I truly find that hard to believe; I think you just loved that I loved you. I was just pure entertainment that you discarded when you got bored and that hurts because I expressed to you how others treated me that way and you promised not too. I don’t understand how you can love someone and leave so easily…did I really mean so little to you? My heart aches because I miss you so much. I hate feeling this way and I hate missing you; how can I miss someone who’s hurt me over and over. The sick part about all of this is you abandoned and broke my heart 3 times and yet I still wanted you…even now I feel like I need you and I truly hate this for me. I want to let you go but I don’t know how. It’s been almost three weeks since we last spoke and even after all the pain I still think of you everyday when I know you haven’t thought of me once since. It’s kinda crazy how you lovebombed me, said we were twin flames, said you loved and worshipped me, and then decided I wasn’t enough; you completely washed your hands of me. Despite all of your flaws I accepted you and I thought you accepted me as I was… I guess I was wrong. I want to let you and all the pain go but the sad part about this is if you came back I would still welcome you with open arms because the love I have for you burns brighter than a thousand suns. I miss someone who doesn’t care whether I’m alive or dead right now

My greatest heartbreak

I’m not really sure what to say or how to even start but I guess I’ll just go for it. I’ve been struggling recently with how my life has been and what I’ve become. I’ve been having a lot of highs and lows but mainly lows. To be completely honest I’m just lost and I don’t know what to do with my life; I’m 21 and I wasn’t expecting to make it this far so each day is just a battle. There’s so many thoughts that run through my mind and &nbsp;trying to cipher through them all feels like I’m drowning. I feel like each day I wake up I’m sinking and at this point I’m kinda tired of trying to make it to shore… I just want to descend to the bottom in peace. Idk, maybe things will change for me one day but right now as I lay in bed and type this my heart is heavy and I’m tired

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My inner turmoil 

It's the 1st of February. Yesterday I decided that from tomorrow I will start writing on this website and publish it online. Some days will be great, some will be sad, some will be anxious, some will be full of lessons, some will just be a letter to my past to future self, while some will be the comfort for a stranger.&nbsp;&nbsp;I write because I love it. Writing is something that I never want to stop. I hope my writing will help someone someday. I always want to understand people, how they are feeling, what is bothering them, and the things they can't express to anyone and question themselves; I don't want that.&nbsp;Because they don't deserve that. Don't worry; you will be fine, and I will post an article on this website every day :)&nbsp;

Commit to Myself 

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 41 now.Im feeling as if I'm starting my life exactly 17 years ago. Searching for work, living a bachelor life, struggling for daily chores.&nbsp;

Im 41

I've been ahead of myself lately. I'm not always the best at things or picking the right words at the right moments and It feels like there's always an empty space and when that empty space is gone life shifts and feels better but eventually the room becomes empty again. Actually i'm use to the room being empty its been empty most my life in fact its been so empty i forgot what it felt like to not be the only one in the room anymore. Well anyways I encourage strength be strong focus make the best out of life.

Empty room

Spriha is diagnosed with dengue and she probably picked up the bug from Delhi itself. we were supposed to fly back together on 19th August, but i returned alone. It was miserable. It constatntly felt like I was leaving her behind. It could have and should have happened to me. She cant be sick, nothing bad should ever happen to her. I feel lonely without her. I hope she gets better soon, I have so many plans for her. I am going to miss being with her on her birthday. Its so sad. But I will try as much as I can to make it up to her. I love her so much.

Feels like I left her

A man who wishes to protect the women in his life…. wonderful women in his life—his mother, daughter, sister, wife or girlfriend—All are his strength and inspiration, He often feels a strong sense of responsibility to ensure their safety and well-being. This protective instinct may lead him to impose certain restrictions, such as advising them to avoid unsafe areas, be cautious about the sur oundings they are in, or take precautions when they are traveling alone. His possessiveness may stem from a deep desire to keep them safe from harm, though it's important that this does not infringe on their freedom or autonomy.His intense is to provide a secure environment where they can thrive, balancing his protective nature with respect for their independence. He expresses his love and commitment to their safety, reaffirming his lifelong promise to stand by them and protect them in every way he can.Dear Woman,You are valued, and forever guarded by the strength of those who care for you. Happy Raksha Bandhan! Stay strong and cherished, today and always.From Gentleman.

Happy Raksha Bandhan

Lately iv'e tried to to remain strong I usually do very well keeping it together but recently things haven't been the greatest. I just wish I knew how to be to not be judged or hated or what I could do for people to feel more comfortable around me. I hold my self together pretty well but truth is I don't like being looked at like i'm no good. People misjudge me all the time and call me mean things and say harsh things and everyone else seems to accept each other. I get it though it happens people are entitled to their opinions but sometimes it sucks to hear them.. I'm not A bad guy I just wish more and more people could see that but not temporarily… It would be nice to not feel like some kind of monster or burden, To be honest sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be truly accepted to not be misjudged. The opinions don't matter I am stronger than that.. than this. I'll pull it together and push through this. I can do it, things will be alright.

Hanging in

I've been looking in the sky past the stars into the void sometimes it feels like it captures me and it's almost as if I dwell there for A little while. I live in reality but I see more than what the eye can catch always staying ahead being strong regardless of what vision is next.

Yearning for what once was

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