Either you don't invite people to your functions, or if you are inviting people, then invite them well.

I have encountered many situations where its kind of problematic situation whether to go or not. The other person has not invited well.

So, the person is Raman, a distant relative. I don't even has his mobile number in my phone. There is a marriage function of his son. He invited my brother well, who lives in other city. Now, he is coming in Noida, and asked if he invited you. 

That person sent me a whatsapp message, which contains only a pdf. No Hi/hello, No other message. The person has not even his profile photo in whatsapp. I generally ignored these kind of messages. And, I ignored it.

My brother asked, whether you got the card. I said no. I checked, that. invitation was his. I also did not even reply, as if I would reply he might put a message to come. 

But, this is very bad practice of inviting people like this.

A well invited invitation means, at least you call the invitee, and asked him/her to come. What do you mean by a whatsapp message. You are completing your duty, so that when someone asked you did not invite, you will say I have invited. WTF.

I got a call few days back in evening. It was not hearable at all. I could recognise him, and said Namastay. I said repeatedly, your voice is not coming. He simply cut the call, and did not call. I waited for his call.

OK, next morning, I called him back at around 11. He said, bete ki saai hai. I said, Many congrats. And, he again cut the call.

He never said a single time, that you are invited or you have to come. How can someone go like this. 

An Uninvited Invitation

Although, this is my hobby project, and I'm thinking of going ahead in this.

Today, I bought another name: lifeinreel.com

I have some ideas in this space. Lets see.

Lifeintext Next - Life in Pics/Videos

Today, I called to Ali, plumber for fixing something at house. A lady picked up the phone, and asked for confirmation.

She was about to cry, she said, unka to intkal ho gaya (He is dead). I was shocked, I asked how. It was an accident. I could not say anything to her. After few seconds pause, I just said acha! Cut the call. Shocked! Life is so unpredictable.

Plumber Ali is no more

I booked a ticket for Drishyam-2. I wanted to watch this, but Kanika was not here. I went alone for the movie, in theatre. It was feeling awkward in theatre. But, I enjoyed a lot.

The movie was really awesome. In 2nd half, when the suspense broke. It was completely shocked to see the kind of preparedness shown by the hero. I wanted to clap.

After the movie, I had lunch at Haldiram. I took a thali, and also took Jalebi for me. Mistakenly I bought larger portion of Jalebi. When I took that, I asked him to pack it half. But, he gave me the full box. I was not feeling comfortable to eat that big box there alone. So, I ate that in Taxi.

BTW, Kanika took the car to her home. So, I came here in Taxi. It was a good day.

And and and, after returning. I watched the Malyalam version too, with english subtitles.

Watching Drishyam was a treat

I recently took a new dedicated server. I did talk to lot of vendors. Finally, I did settle for one. It cost around 70K for an year. It was a costly one, but with dedicated one I hope to get good performance.

As soon as I get the server, within 2 days I migrated all of my websites to this. The new migration I did around my websites, really helped me quickly migration. I was feeling proud of myself. I did many things in server too, in quick succession. That gave me lot of confidence, which I needed for sure.

New dedicated server for Planndesign and other websites

I was eagerly waiting for the shutdown. I was exhausted by office-office.

Kanika also went to her home with kids. So, it was a nice time to spend time alone. Much needed.

First half went into improving Planndesign. Then, I started work for VizitSure, my new venture. 

Also, I did watch a lot of movies. I also went to watch Drishyam movie in theatre alone. It was an awesome movie.

Last 3 days were spent at in-laws house. We went to see a girl for Shivam.

I also did some deep-thinking about the future.

Adobe Shutdown 2022-23

I went home, and Bhavika played this song in Alexa. And, she showed so much love to me. She sat with me, and kept hugging me. It was so heart touching. I almost cried.

Kanika told me that she played this song today, and she became fan of this. She kept playing this the whole day.

Sabse Pyara kaun hai.... Papa... Mere Papa...

She is usually very fond of doing swing. But, I used to push her on the jhula.

After dinner, 2 days back, she wanted to goto park to enjoy her swing ride. It was already around 9:30, and I wanted to go back home. I asked her to go back home. But, as usual, she denied.

I started moving towards home, and asking her to leave. Then, what I saw was something amazing. She started doing it by herself. And, she was enjoying much. She shouted to show us that she is doing it by herself. We could not ask her after seeing that.

And, she was doing pretty well, so fluent. 

I loved being parent in noticing these minor developments in kids.

Bhavika Started Doing Swing Jhula by her Own - #firsttime

https://www.lifeintext.com/journals/my-decision-to-leave

Since I've applied to another team. I was almost ready to go there. I was winding up my work, doing KTs to others.

Here in Adobe, hiring got freezed. And the position I applied for, could not be cleared. So, I'm back to current team. 

Suman informed me this, and the message was that team is happy to have you back.

I did not show any emotion, as I was getting little hint that this might happen. But, reality hit me after few days :)

Will write privately, as some people started reading this now!

My Internal Transfer Cancelled - Chaos

5:45 - Wake up. Went for milk. Did not get it, as bufallo's calf drank all milk :)

6:40 - Time to awake kids, get ready/bath Bhavika

5:30 - Came back home, time for Daksh's chess class

5:45 - Went for Daksh class along with him

6:00 - Reached there, dropped Daksh, went to society club where I dropped Daksh. 

Picked a book - Definition of Joy from some acharya.

7:20 - Came back from library, did little walk. Saw kids playing, trying to find joy :)

10:00 Took dinner, watched little movie. Ask kids to goto sleep

Full Busy Day

When I see most people around me I feel that they are much better than me. I am not being self deprecating here. I have started an online diary hoping that it would give me a reprieve from reality and I don't care how sick this sounds anymore.

Its funny how you care about others, want to show them that you care but since you suck at that its no use and they believe that you feel nothing. devoid. no care not an inkling of consideration for them.

I wish I could change myself. Really I wouldn't mind it at all! But life's the way it is. I have so many things to do. A truckload of things really. But sometimes its tough to go on. I can't stop myself from quitting though. Its probably because of my need for perfection. I am not bragging or anything like that. Its just that I always have this pressure to be the good girl, good daughter and I fail in all those things. So the only thing left is good grades.

13 Jan 2023- Stifled

I need help. I need affirmations from my parents, godparents and my close friends. I just need tender loving care. I am thankful for great O level successes yesterday. But I am experiencing extreme fatigue. God, help.

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, be with me. In the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray

I need help

I was drawn to the korean drama starred by Sung Hye Kyo. She took 20 years to exact revenge on the people who bullied her. This is secular way of handling people who hurt. The counterintuitive Christian way of handling such matter is release, let go and let God handle. To be honest, I am a human being. I also want every single who, especially the secondary school teacher, the scammer and syndicate to be tormented, tortured, go to hell for eternity. But having said that, I have spoken the human , carnal and fleshy thought. That is definitely not what God wants. Why should my quality of life be destroyed due to these people for 24 years! 24 years of my life gone. These are the 2 major events that totally destroyed me, rip my heart, smashed into smithereens. I became so disgruntled and bitter about life , depression and suicidal soon followed. That is why I like the drama, it showcased the deepest thoughts that I have towards those who have hurt me and I can do something about it. 

Having said that, I want to move on in life. I dont want unforgiveness to chain me. I dont have anger, bitterness and resentment to hold me down any longer. God, where are you? 

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, help me. I surrender all these carnal, fleshy thoughts about those people who hurt me into Your hands. Rewire my mind through Your words, heal my smithereen heart with Your love. I choose to forgive them for You have forgiven me with Your grace and mercy. I want to let go anger, bitterness, resentment, hatred, guilt and shame. Be with me today, especially in tender moments of loneliness, pain and guilt. In the most precious name of Jesus Christ I pray 

What ending do I want for those who hurt me?

The Christian therapist shared:" Write one column of bad events that happened in your life and another column of good events that happened as well. "

I decided to just write one for both as I am in a rush.

Bad : I lost my entire savings on 22 Jan 2022 due to a love scam and my mental health was badly affected and had suicidal tendecies from time to time.

Good: I know who supported me and walked me through the journey and who deserted and despised me. 

Prayers: Dear Heavenly Father, Help me. I want to paint different strokes and shades of colours in life. Be with me, In Jesus name I pray

My life - My canvas

Dream is a portal for me to escape the loneliness, the mundane, the pain, the anguish and the bored life. Today pain secretly sliced me a couple of times. My heart was bleeding. I dont know what to do.I tried to distract by plugging songs. Perhaps I should pray. I was so exhausted after teaching just now. I was literally crawling to the bus stop. I feel bored and restless. 

Dear Heavenly Father, be with me. When I feel pain, may You send forth angels to draw a hedge of protection over me. Heal my heart and grief go away! When I feel lonely, may a song of hope arises. When I feel bored, help me. In the most precious name of Jesus CHrist I pray

I have a dream : To meet a godly man and we serve together

I want to dream: To lead a healthy lifestyle where I can hang out with new friends, talk , walk and chat with one another

I need to dream: To pray fervently for the business to increase in numbers so that there is continuity and increase my faith in finances, able to pay rent and salaries and minister to students

Sabse Pyara kaun hai.... Papa... Mere Papa...

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