Virtual appointment.

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Just to keep you up to date, I have a virtual appointment
with a psychiatrist on the 29th of this month. I
did well for 12 days and then on the 30th the anxiety returned. I
have some depression too, and still feel hopeless. Sill feel like I have
questions but never any answers and solutions. I still hope it’s just a matter
of getting used to the new medication dose and my lady hormones settling in, but
I don’t know what to think anymore. I just know that 8 years of going around in
circles with this is ridiculous so I made the appointment. I just don’t know if
I can be helped. While I’m at it, I have a question for you. Is it OK to take a
10MG CBD gummy before 4 hours after taking my levothyroxine? 


The above paragraph was my message to my docs earlier. I’d
been planning to check in with them and give them an update, but I didn’t want
to do so without making an appointment first and have them be like, we told
you to make the appointment, blah, blah blah. 


What I didn’t tell them was that I’m fed up. Honestly, I can’t
take this anymore.


Tom and I were talking about what might happen to us after we're gone and whether or not there’s an afterlife and all kinds of things like that.
Of all the different theories, I realized that none of us can know anything
until we’re gone. I still hope there’s no afterlife at all. 


Because it’s so hard for me to believe that Aly wouldn’t
send me a sign that she goes on somehow and have a positive influence on my emotional
state if she could, it makes me think that there is no afterlife, or she simply
can’t. Hell, even my parents would lend a helping hand if they could and wouldn’t
want me suffering like this. 


Tom brought up an interesting theory about those lights I
saw back in Phoenix. Maybe it wasn’t an alien craft but a glimpse into another
dimension and time. Maybe even the ghosts some people claim to see are from
another place and time. 


I sure wonder about those multi-dimensions, alright.
Especially with some of the dreams I’ve had. I recently had one where I was
thinking about how my parents were 72 and 73 and that I hadn’t contacted them
for a while. I thought it would be a good time to send them a letter. It wasn’t
so much what happened in the dream that makes me wonder, but how real it felt.
Like I was really in some other place and time.  


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