CHAOS

"Hi! I will try to turn to this whenever I am sad. Because sadness, unlike happiness, often cannot be shared with people we know. I hope the universe is kind to me."

My first:

I am already stressed no job, no will power, lazy, no consistency, over thinking. Additiion to that my mom constantly nagging me. Picking me on things, I am a single minded person , I only do what you told I don't do extra but she expects me to do more as a girl, she insults, she scolds, I will have interest at night but she says. You waste all day now work. She says when I am working, sometimes like " you are working because you don't want to do my work things to do at home",.You know sometimes while i am studying she says random stuff in background and calls. She doesn't understand few environment helps us for studying, she says why are you not ok here, why do you want to go there.you couldn't achieve anything, foul language, scoldings. Kids ( my younger sister- my paternal father daughter) behaving like me( she argues like me, I give that but also she is dominant,and talks more to her age, I always scolds her being more, they pa.per her) but honestly is it only my fault, isn't it there's too, they see everything. She is saying she is learning from me. She is not wrong but I am already going through a lot trying escapism through drams or kids. Far from reality. She not understanding me is OK! These are my excuses to escape reality ok. Picking me , creating turbulence in my brain. Me who answer back or argue, but still every second I live with litte fear , what happens now, if this goes wrong I will get scolding, I pretend I didn't care but part of me scared of silence in house, what is next. And on her own accord for her use she calls.and when i think ..she is ok now. She starts again.she remember what happened back and poke me on them. I have stubborn attitude and lazy, it doesn't mean I deserve this. I hope for love and attention too.

In reality she is kind woman helps many people but making me her dustbin or carpet, isn't right. Eventhough she cries for me , she roots for me, Pain lasts longer than Happiness.