Me vs Me: The battle between us

From self awareness, I am naturally comfortable with everything detrimental to someone's life. I can watch movies and reels in water, I can stay up till 4am watching movie. But I can hardly last 3hrs doing something meaningful. I enter want to sleep or eat or want to go back to feeding my brain with irrelevant things. I was not born with a sliver spoon so it is not that I am calm because I have rich parents. I have gone three days without foods, I suffer from nocturnal enuresis. If these do not motivate me, what would? I want to be someone who is an expert in robotics and selling fabrics as a business, but I cant even maintain one life. Till when will I keep wallowing in low lessness. And I crave good life so bad that I can't wait to enjoy great things life offers. But I am only a wishful thinker, I don't strive for what I want. I remain a mediocre who is only directed by desires. What a pity boy! You can't continue this way. 

Some hard truth about me that will burst my brain if I keep it locked. So I write. Many times keep it private. I will share this, if you happen to read it, I would like you to find ways of reaching out, being consoled when you don't expect it is therapeutic. Teach me how to love myself and to love myself is to do things that increase my capacity even if my desires go elsewhere