Again I changed my mind about publishing some old stuff before I'm gone. Not because I’m paranoid, but because it’s just too much stuff to go through. I’m 99.9% sure nothing bad would come of it if I published it as is, but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s supposed to be my online contribution left behind after I’m gone. Like a memoir written in real-time.

When I’m gone or close enough to it, I can just claim last names are fake and the worst that could happen is the same thing that could happen now and that’s that it could get deleted for something people don’t want to hear. 

Did a big Amazon order for $245. Here's a list of what we got.

A 4-tier display shelf riser for more of my animal and fairy figures.

A dolphin diamond painting for J and a pack of floral-themed diamond paintings to hopefully sell along with a butterfly theme.

Mod Podge brushes and glue to seal the diamonds.

Tye-dye-themed face masks with five different designs.

These really cool headbands with buttons on the side so you don't have to have the mask straps around your ears, something I could have used over a year ago and that really helps when one of your ears isn't normal.

He got an email saying, effective immediately! Tia is on a leave of absence and someone will be replacing her for a while. We're guessing COVID.

The planes have been back to being annoying as fuck. I hope that by the time I roll back on the days they've quieted down again. I won't get more than a day or two off from them either way.

As I was falling asleep yesterday morning at 8:00, it was 32 degrees at the old place, LOL.

We used the sample Walmart gave us of laundry detergent and it gave us both rashes. He got a little rash on his upper arm and I got one in the groin area. Same burning and itching I had years ago. So yeah it was definitely caused by the wrong detergent. In the meantime, thank God for Gold Bonds powder! There is a reason, though, why we use the Free & Clear.

Shopping

 I got fed up with the Rep group and left. I
complained about the daily glitches, people jumped on me about it because it
was “negative,” and I’d had enough of only being able to post the positives without
getting attacked. If you don’t say what others want to hear, you’re “negative,”
no matter how honest and factual you really are being with no intention of
offending anyone.  

Yes, their rules do say to
keep it positive and that posting negativity is unhelpful and
counterproductive. But that’s wrong. The fact is that they’re actually truthful
and honest. What do they expect people to do, lie and say everything is just
peachy when it’s not? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful app. But it’s full
of glitches and it needs work! The only way they’re going to be aware of the
problems is if people are allowed to address them. Emailing them directly has
done me no good at all. I don’t know if they just don’t care or if they’re that
incompetent in their coding, but the app seems to be more and more glitchy by
the day. When you only allow positive comments, you’re basically only telling
half of the story because. No app is perfect and no group, forum, or whatever
is going to receive 100% positive comments. When you create groups of any kind,
whether it’s on account of an app you’ve created or some other program, you are
going to get complaints. If you can’t handle them then why have groups? Better
yet, why have apps if you can’t handle complaints and you aren’t gonna do anything
to fix the problems? 

They also say not to claim
anything is scripted when people get all warm, fuzzy feelings about something
positive their Rep told them. 

In other words, don’t tell
little Johnny that Santa isn’t real, and don’t tell little Susie that the tooth
fairy isn’t real either. 

Lastly, they say not to
message anyone without their permission. 

I’m sorry, but who died and
made them the Facebook police? Who the hell are they to say what people can do
outside of the group?  

Bye bye

Kinky Kathleen

So the FDA “permanently” approved abortion pills by mail. Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.

Been having more rat dreams lately, understandably, since we don’t have pets at the moment. To me, they’re great because it’s a way of visiting with these “pets” without the mess, smell and expense. It was funny because I was thinking of most people and how they would consider them reoccurring nightmares.

For the last month or two, I told J that I had a feeling about something happening on January 21st. Turns out that’s to be her closing date! It’s nice to have a prediction for once that is neutral or positive rather than the usual negative shit.

I would still love to know why I have such a strong feeling about these floors never being redone. I still say that’s either a good thing or a bad thing. It’s bad if the storms end up running us out of the state, but good if we end up with more money than expected that it doesn’t matter when we go to sell the place. And yes, I still sense this isn’t the forever place. Next stop will likely be.

My nails weren’t improving so I stickered them back up because they’re just so ugly. I think only an endo or a dermatologist can help me with those.

We went to CVS across the street from Walgreens and it was similar. They had pretty much the same things and the same annoying music playing. The store was clean, however, and definitely less congested than Walgreens. We signed up for this membership that gives us discounts. The young lady working there liked my new dress. It was one of the Airy pieces.
 

large_white-little-mouse-in-the-grass.jpg

medium_white-little-mouse-in-the-grass.jpg

small_white-little-mouse-in-the-grass.jpg

thumbnail_white-little-mouse-in-the-grass.jpg

white-little-mouse-in-the-grass.jpg

White Merlot

Mia now has 11 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 2 skirts, 5 dresses, 26 tops, 5 pairs of shoes, 5 tubes of lipstick, 3 bracelets, a set of rings, a pair of earrings, and will soon get her first necklace.

Trump hasn’t been president in over a year yet I still see his fucking face all over the web.

We went down to the pool today. Not long after I got up, and even though it was in the low 80s out and the pool was 84 degrees, it still felt a bit chilly. Just like last time, no one else was there. Also, like last time there were a few wasps and music was playing from the speaker outside the clubhouse. Hate to say it, but I think I liked the pool at the old place better, not that they would be swimming with highs in the 40s and lows in the 30s, LOL.

We’re going to be having a cool spell as well. We’ve been having highs in the upper 70s to low 80s and getting down just under 70 degrees at night, but we’re going to be heading for highs in the 60s and lows in the upper 40s.

On our way back from the pool, some guy slid open his lanai window and asked how the water was.

Then we ended up chatting with Roy for a few minutes. This is the guy with oxygen and a motorized wheelchair and an emotional support dog that Tom had quite a discussion with on yard sale day. He’s the guy that’s been here for over 40 years. He wrote our names down on a pad of paper because he has trouble remembering names.

I’ve been sleeping well, even though I still get bouts of fatigue and my nails still look horrible. Every single one of them has lifting. It’s hard to say if the treatment is helping or not. Why can’t I just have normal nails? Why does being hypo have to have so many annoying symptoms? Why can’t I just take the medication my body needs?!

On the bright side…if I make it through the rest of this roll onto days without anyone waking me up, that’ll make two rolls in a row and the first time in nearly a decade.

I checked completed diamond paintings on Etsy because I wanted to see if any of them are moving. Some of them seem to be. While I was at it, I got a great idea. Instead of framing a diamond painting someone did, they glued it to a painted canvas. That’s a great idea! Much cheaper than traditional frames or even the magnetic frames too. I’d just have to paint the canvas edges the color that would best go with the diamond painting, then glue the painting on. 

Mia, Roy, Etsy

Hi there

My niece Ayush Gupta, who was studying in Noida from past 3 years got a job today.

I'm very happy for him. I prayed GOD for his job. He was a good student, although I knew that he is talented, but there is always a feat. What if he didn't get job.

All efforts are now sorted, got fruitful result. I remember, when he took admission in Lovely university, Punjab. I insisted his parents to admit their son to Noida. And, they agreed. It was a big decision then. As, they had done the admission, paid partial fees.

Today he called me, and I was super happy. I talked to her mom, my sister. And, I expressed my happiness. Although, I'm too bad in expressing any emotion. She said, its all because of me. She said, she cried hearing this news.

Ayush got Placed - Happy Moment

Few days back Ayush got a placement offer 

Today was his joining. I called him yesterday to know about his plans. I got a surprise when he said he is not joining and rejecting the offer.

- His mind is not giving him good signals

I was like, come on. You are taking a risk which may not be fruitful. It is the risk that he can not afford.

In evening, I also talked to Hitesh. And, he was also of the same opinion that he should have joined it.

And the thing he is not discussing these things with me. Where I was kind of involved much.

Ayush decided not to join the company!

Hitesh had to come to greater noida for a wedding event of his friend. He planned to meet in greater noida, with Ayush. I had no car, as Kanika took it her home. I took an Uber, reached there at Pari chowk. While waiting at Pari chowk, it reminded me of my old days, when I used to wait for bus in a crowded place. Now, the time has changed. Its a luxury, lets appreciate it. 

We went to some boring mall, and we had to goto Venice mall. We went there, and kept on talking about shitty things. When Hitesh and I talk, our direction move towards startups/life. I tried a lot not to talk about these things. But, when we talk, our direction goes there automatically.

Ayush must be thinking, what is wrong with these guys. Overall, it was a good time. 

We took some Nawabi chai from a small cafe: "Chai Le lo". And, the tea was really awesome, I forgot to take the pic. In lunch, we had chur-chur naan.

A meet with Hitesh and Ayush

I'm the kind of person who started journaling before I could form a proper sentence. It helps me process. It makes the world around me come together and make sense. Lately I've noticed, nothing is clear anymore. I'm looking at myself and thinking, "Who is that?" It has been years since I last sat down with my journal and cheap Bic pen and let it all out on those pages. This isn't for a lack of time or even laziness - I have so many great things to say, but those are not the things that I need to get out. The things I need to write about are terrible. Those crazy and raw thoughts that go through your mind. The complaints about life, God and humans. The "how the FUCK did I get here?" questions. I am so scared to put these thoughts on paper, get run over by a truck tomorrow and have the people I wrote about (the closest people to me) find it and those be the last things they read about themselves. That fear, as unlikely as it may seem, has kept me from writing. It has kept me from doing the one thing that works for me - the only thing that allows me to think, understand and move on. So - if you are offended by language, this isn't for you. If you are embarrassed by sex (or lack thereof), this isn't for you. If you like to hang with people who are like you, this isn't for you. I am like no one. I'm proud of that, but also, I hate that. Why is it that I need to be so different - why can't I just...blend in? You'll never understand me, but please do try. 

I am sparkly, but I am dark. I am happy, but I am sad. I am smiling, but it's fake. I am working, but I wish I wasn't. I am great at what I do, but I feel like a fraud. I love who I am, but I wish I was someone else. I am grateful, but I want more. I am religious, but I am bitter. I am laughing so I can make it to tomorrow. I will tell you all about it. One day at a time. 

Confessions of Dallas Girl

Since last few months, lot of oldies left Adobe, our team. Its a big blow to our team.

Ankit Rustagi left Adobe

Its an usual weekend, and we went to park to play. Some kids brought rabbit and birds in the park.

Bhavika was so happy to see them. Daksh and Bhavika both played with them.

Bhavika played with Rabbit

Pankaj Bansal from another team approached my manager, and he sugested my name to him as Java Expert to take interview for his team.

I focused on Java and little on Micro services. He was 9 years experience.

Overall, I rejected him with a strong No.

An Interview with a 9 years Experience Guy

Daksh learned https://www.photopea.com/, and learnt it quite fast. Its like Photoshop. I do not even know how to work on Photoshop. But, he learnt it well.

Daksh made Drawing - Happy Diwali

Its my daily duty to wake him up for school. In Covid time, its at around 7:15 AM. But, before that it was at around 6:30 AM.

The pain is not in waking up early because of him. I usually wake-up at around 6AM. But, he takes so much time to wakeup and put his feet on ground. Sometimes, it took somewhere around 10-15 minutes. It disturbs my schedule as well. 

He talks rude. This makes me angry, and I finally left and ask him to wakeup at whatever time you want. Then, he wakeup by himself. Not a single instance, that when I left he didn't wake-up. But, it feels very bad to listen to his rude replies.

Sometimes he says, remove my name from school. He said, I will email to principal to remove my name :)

He takes time to wake-up. Rarely it happens that he wakes up in few minutes and with a smile.

But, its not a complaint. It is just a memory. I love him, and he knows that.

Big Pain - To Awaken Daksh Each Morning

Its the Karvachauth, and out of the blue, I decided that I will also have fast. Kanika did not force me. Even, I was just at our new flat for the work. I did not even took water, still I was not feeling the need for it.

I came back home at around 3, and I took milk and a barfi just that Kanika also took it in the early morning. However, Kanika said if you did the breakfast, you should not have eaten barfi.

Anyway, I did the fasting successfully. Ending the fast at around 9:30 PM. I was not feeling very hungry, and it was manageable.

Kanika also felt good because of my gesture.

I had my First karvachauth Fast in 12 years

So, today I had to go to the following work:

I drank milk, and went to work without any breakfast.

I purchased cleaning stuff first and went to the flat. The work was going so slow, I don't think we can shift to flat.

I then went to the IGL office, where I asked the formalities needed and where can I get the affidavit. I then, went to the authority office for the affidavit, came back. The lady then asked me to get the signature of Kanika as she was the co-owner. I said, I will do it. She said, no. She said, take this form, get it signed by your wife and courier to us. I thought, its a long process. I asked, do I also need her ID. She said No. I tried my luck, I said she is sitting in the car, let me go for her signature.

I went out for few seconds, did her signature and came back. She knew I did it by myself, still she took it. Relax. Its done,

I then went to a shop where Kanika asked the shopkeeper to prepare our stuff. But, he has not prepared it. I had to wait. I then asked him that I have other work and I went for electrical stuff.

After that, I came back and get it loaded into the car.

I then went to Sector-9, searching for shops. I found one where I can find Le-Grand switches. I gave him the list, and he was preparing my order. At the end, he gave an amount to which I said, I will do Google-Pay. He said it will come to my account. I said so what, you are the business and you should pay taxes. He said, he will need to pay taxes. I said, by asking for more money you are taking taxes from customers, not paying by yourself.

I was so pissed off, and stood from there saying that I have wasted my time here. Let me know if you are doing it. The bill was for 12700 Rs and he asked for 800 Rs more. I offered that I could do it 13000, else I'm going. They agreed.

On returning, I get the items off-loaded in the flat and went back to the house. Where I first took the lunch. I was so hungry. I had to meet Abdul, but couldn't meet as I was feeling tired and slept.

Went to market for so long with no food

Its been so long that there is a public function celebrated at Jaypee Klassic. Thanks to Covid lockdown.

So, Navratre is going on these days. And, people at Jaypee decided to collect some money and have a funcntion. They decorated well.

Yesterday, we all went there. Daksh and Bhuvi were excited to go there. There was one stage, where kids were singing and performing. I saw, Kanika was standing with Bhuvi. Bhuvi was looking excited that she wanted to sing or say something on stage. But, she didn't come. My kids are shy just like me.

But I saw, she was dancing silently. By keeping her hands in her ear, the music was loud. Daksh also enjoyed, howevere there were no friends for him. I also saw a lot of new faces.

I bought some cold drink, juice for kids. Later, Daksh wanted to eat Momos. He is fond of momos.

There were also some counters for businesses. I had a talk with a commercial property guys, Orian. Its beingn launched near our Jaypee.

A Nice Public Function at Jaypee Klassic After Long Time

This is hopefully a new beginnings of things to come. I started listening to Jordon Peterson shortly after my 2nd Wedding Anniversary when Aravindan recommended me a video of him. Coincidently, my wife also decided to gift me one of his books - 12 Rules of Life, based on recommendation from Prakhar about him; but at the last moment, she decided not to get it. Its surprizing enough that he's been an internet sensation for the past 4/5 years, & I haven't come across him. I guess there had to be a fateful event for this. 

I lean towards the right when it comes to moral & societal views. I find it practical & comforting. After years of being in revolutionary mode in my 20s, I understood that evolution is what is possible & not revolution. Also, evolution takes time. Evolution happens at individual level, in smaller units of society & not larger chunks of society say at a country level. At some point I decided that any changes that I wanted to see, first I should live to the change & then try to assert influence within my family. 

That's about me. The spectrum from where Jordon Peterson comes from got me attracted to him at once. He's one of the most articulate persons I've heard out there. If there's controversy surrounding him, surely there's something that he's saying right. I'm not bothered about all the woke nonsense anyways. While this happened, I also came across the book from James Clear - Atomic Habits. I read this book as though I were reading a textbook for some examination - which involved taking notes & discussing the themes examined in it. The whole book went around what he calls it the Habit Loop - CUE, CRAVING, RESPONSE & REWARD. After I finished reading the book, I got filled with hope. Lots of hope. I crave change & this change will be atomic. I hope the energy that I draw out of it will truly be atomic in its nature & indeed powerful. 

Thus, this is a new beginning - of things to come. I want to start writing everyday, & I found this wonderful website. Looking forward to more things here. 

New Beginnings

Devansh called me, to have casual chit-chat. Our talk was due since last Sunday.

He always has all the updates from our team. He already left Adobe and joined Microsoft. But, he knew about everybody even now. He gave me knews that Prakhar selected into Microsoft and Google and he is joining Google. I was like, WOW.

He was telling me that you should also try as they are hiring at much higher pace and is giving good salary. It was very tempting to listen.

I listened, and told him my view point and my vision of my future.

I told him that I'm not going to change anymore, Read more here. 

I was very clear in explaining my perspective and my thoughts. He understood it very clearly, and respected it. 

I know, its very tempting to see when everybody around you are going to big companies, and you can also do better. But, I want to take a pause from this rat race.

I'm reading a book: "Psychology of Money", and there I read that we should stay away from social race.  And, I know I'm earning decent enough that I do not need to go anywhere else. Work life balance is dawm good here. So, why do I leave? Just for social pressure?

I'm happy for Prakhar. He is a brilliant guy.

I told him, that my long term goal is not this. I even suggested him to meet at regular frequencies to discuss any ideas that we might have, and may be we can make it big. We have decent amount to bootstrap our ideas. He liked the idea. Lets see, how we can materialize it.

Prakhar selected into Google - Talk with Devansh

I'm working in Adobe systems, drawing a decent salary. Actually way more than I spend. 

My prespective about life has changed a bit. I'm fedup of this salary and rat race culture. I was actually frustrated since long in my current job.I tried studying multiple times. I couldn't clear companies in which I was interested. It is very difficult with load of work and kids at home that I can do anything else.

This year as well, I started preparing myself for the interviews. I do believe in hard work, and I do not afraid of doing hard work. But, one thing stuck. What am I doing? What if I goto some other big name, I would be earning little more that my current salary. What after that? What if I also started feeling same as now?

And, I'm actually fedup of this corporate culture. I think I can do better. I decided to build something for the future. Something that can give me fuel to run my remaining life. I'm good in building things, software, web etc.

I decided not to look for any change further, and starting building something of my own. Be it some passive income, or being teacher, or doing freelancing etc. But, not job.

I'm very confident this time that I can do better with this. I do believe, that there is no limit of earning. I know the days when I used to earn so little. I was living even then. I'm slaving myself to the salary. I'm doing shitty work sometimes at work just for salary. 

I want to live life, on my terms now. Lets set a goal for myself to be retire from job by. year 2026.

My Decision of Future

I had an off today from office, which I did not tell at home.

I wasted that complete day by just watching useless facebook videos. I did few stock market classes, but they were not useful. Overall, a wasted day.

In morning, Kanika went to our flat where Sudhir came for first time, for carpenter work.

Once she came back, she was in no mood to prepare lunch. We ordered a Pizza that Daksh loved it. We ordered two pizzas, one that Daksh loves, second that Bhavika can eat. There is no room for our choices :(

In evening, we got our stuff for carpenter like boards, ply etc. Those stuff was not going through lift. Guard was also troubling them. I had to go there. Me and Daksh went there by cycle.

They had to load those heavy boards by their own through stairs.

I entered the flat, and saw the progress by POP work on walls. The walls were butter smooth by their work, it was awesome to see that. The flat is looking nice. It gives a feeling of a wider/open flat.

A wasted day

My old macbook was giving some trivial problems from past few weeks. The problems were like:

Some keys were pressed multiple times by one press. This caused major issue. Example: I was pressing single key to close browser tab. It closed multiple tabs.

Once in a month types, laptop shutdown without warning

Although, everything was working fine. Those were not the issues for which I personally buy a new laptop. But, the problems were really frustrating me sometimes.

Piyush(My manager) posted in our group, whether someone in need to replace their old out of warranty machines or problematic hardware.

I raised a service desk request for my laptop issues after that. The support guy straight away told me that your laptop was out of warranty, and I suggest you to raise request for new hardware. I conveyed same to Piyush. And, it got approved within few minutes. I was like, WOW.

And, would you believe, in evening, I got a call that they want to deliver the laptop to my home. I could not believe. I mean, such a ffast service.

Next day, 12:30 PM, I got the laptop in my hands. Thanks Adobe.