So, I went to my brother's anniversary function. Everything went well. It was when he was opening all the gifts. Obviously, there are some gifts that are awesome, and some are not good. 

Next day, I came to know his reaction on my elder sister's gift to him. BTW, it was a pressure cooker (for kitchen purpose). My brother did call to her (such a dare-devil). He told her straight away that he was expecting more, some wealthy gift. Not this cheap one. He said, now your home condition is good, your husband is earning well, your son is now earning much. You should have given something bigger. If I would be at her place, I would have done something bigger!

I was shocked, I mean did anyone say like this. 

To give more context, my brother is the eldest of all. And, I'm the youngest.

Yesterday, I was talking to other elder sister. She told me other shocking info.

So, we have 3 sisters. One of them is in really poor condition. Lets call her sister-2. We usually give money to her. Well, I never seen my elder brother to do this, but he speaks a lot (kind of BC). 

So, he told my sister-3 that sister-2 won't be able to gift something nice. Why don't you both (sister-1/sister-3) gift something to me on behalf of sister-2. I was too shocked to hear this. OMG.

She also told me that its getting difficult to tell him anything about their kids success. As, they would jealous. I agree with that. My brother did never congratulate them about their son's recently earned job. Due to jealousy. She told me that they came to her house in November for Bhai-dooj (A brother-sister festival). Even then, he did not congratulate them. He straight away asked him (Son of sister-3), how much you earn. He told a figure. He straight away said, "Now you can gift anything to his daughter, now I will not stop you, its your first Bhai-dooj after-all". I mean, really! 

She said, her son took my brother's kids to outing. They had something to eat. On return, my brother asked, what did you eat. And, he said, ONLY! 

WHen I was there at the function. Next day, I went to meet son of my sister-1. I have some special bonding with him. We had dinner. I intentionally did not take my brother's kids with me. My brother has a wrong habit of putting his kids along with everybody who so ever is going outside. I mean, privacy is something. Sometimes, its ok. But, not always. And, I get to know that he yells at my father for this. That, why he (me) did not take my kids! Period!

Bhai is on a different level altogether - Lichadpan at max

Its been a complete season gone, and our work is not finishing. Its related to our new flat. We have done massive work here. Except from Electrician Jitender, everybody gave trouble. Its too difficult to handle labor. 

Now, these painter guys. They went to holidays without telling anything. Our shifting dates kept on shifting due to lot of people. First, the contractor Ramesh, then Carpenter Sudhir, now this painter.

I don't understand, these people don't want to work and earn. They have lot of attitude and ego. 

This painter used to come at site at 11:30 and leave by 5/5:30. And, holidays on weekend.

Today, I did my office from this flat to see when they are coming, but they did not come.

I did message to them, one last time. If they are not coming by tomorrow, no money no stuff, nothing. Enough is enough.

Completing House Work - Too Difficult a Task - Too difficult to handle Labors

I pick him from school when his classes finishes at around 12:30 PM. As I reach his school, I handed over the escort card to guards. I kept waiting for him, and kept rolling my eyes in school, searching for him. Sometimes, I started worried when he won't come in few minutes.

When I get a sight of his, I always smile saying there is our hero. I think every parent think of same, I'm just writing my emotion here.

I hold his heavy bag, and asked him the usual question: How was the day? Did you do fun?

Taking Daksh from School - Happy to see him

Schools are open after 2 years, due to Covid. Daksh was very excited to goto school. Since, its only 15 days of school in this month. I decided to drop him to school.

As we have to drop our kids at the school gate. I dropped him, and he went straight inside. I kept watching him untill I lose sight of him. I was afraid inside as I was leaving him. As a parent, where kids are living under your care and protection. When kids go outside, its a constant fear for their safety.

Inside, I felt proud about him. How kids adapt themself to face this world. 

Afraid to See Daksh Going Alone in School - Kids Growing

Today, Rishab also left. I wrote his farewell notes, if I get a chance to speak.

Soft spoken guy. Chhota sa lagta tha, but he is close to 30!!

very dedicated. He should keep learning new things.

Hubble was a completely different domain from Bast. I think he did pretty well.

Apart from work, we discussed about smart watches, kahan ghumna hai.

But, couldn't get a chance to speak as people were just talking randomly this time. This is another person from Suman's team left.

Rishabh also Left Suman's team

Instantly, one thing came to my mind that she got some offer or so.

I called her, and she started speaking like giving an official status. I laughed and congratulated her.

She gave her official resignation to Suman. She said, Suman did not like it, and was not expecting this.

The times are very challenging for management. Lot of people are leaving...

I think managers should be ready for this. They should make them feel happy and congratulate them on their progress.

I will write more about Shriya later. She was an intern, worked with me for most of her internship.

Shriya Leaving Adobe - Microsoft

 I was having so much fun sharing pics from my various trips
on VZfit but lately, they’re not transferring over. There always has to be a fucking
issue. I guess it’s no biggie, though, because I’m doing it to exercise and not
to share pics, but it was a nice bonus. I was getting sick of having to
transfer them one at a time too. You would think these things would be simpler,
but apparently not. Anyway, I’m only gonna do 10 miles a day on my trip so I
can do other trips in between for variety. There are a million miles of boring Nevada
desert with nothing much to see but the same old stuff. This is a very ugly-looking
desert compared to the Sonoran and Mojave deserts. 

I jump back and forth between Chicago Med and new Lifetime
movies and in the latest episode of Chicago Med, there was a young woman who didn’t
know that her own mother had her sterilized as a teen because she was
promiscuous and they were poor. The mother didn’t want the daughter to end up
in her shoes. Apparently, this was legal to do in some states up until 1973.
The daughter thought she had an appendectomy.  

The first thing that came to mind as I watched this was how
my mother would have jumped at the opportunity to have this done to me if she
could have, even though I wasn’t with anyone. She never wanted me to have kids.
I don’t think it was just that she believed I would be a bad mother. No, I
think it went beyond that. It was also about money and her not wanting the
burden that grandchildren bring.  

The only thing that didn’t make sense in the show was that
the woman was too poor to find out why she couldn’t conceive. Well, if she was
that poor, how would she afford a kid? I understood the reason this woman
sterilized her kid and why my mother would have gladly done it to me if she
could snap her fingers and have it done but it’s still wrong. It should always
be up to the woman to choose whether or not she does or doesn’t have kids. 

I fought all the fighters on the easy round and even beat
the champ on Thrill of the Fight. Tomorrow begins the next level up. Tom’s on
the endurance round and he’s been cremated by the champ a few times, LOL. He’s
going to keep trying. I’m sure it will get tougher and tougher for me as well,
even though I’m in better shape, lighter, and have more muscle. 

Another nightmare woke me up but I don’t remember what this
one was about. I did have a dream that he started a drug for his essential tremors
that began with an E. Funny name for it. Why is it “essential” that you tremor? 

Unfortunately, I’ve been hit with yet another round of
anxiety. I really think it is about the medication. I just can’t believe I’m
suddenly anxious about being on nights after I’ve spent nearly half my life on
nights. Nor can I believe my hormones are that powerful this late in the game.
So what do I do? I cut my waiting time down, of course. At least I’m not
skipping. I think I’m always going to have to adjust my waiting time based on
how I feel. I’ll get anxious as the stuff ramps up in my bloodstream and less
anxious as it drains a little when I wait only a half-hour instead of an hour before
having my coffee. It’s no wonder that I felt so good during the summer. It’s
also why I was so exhausted. I would still rather be tired than anxious. 

The Russian/Ukrainian war still rages on. It’s easy for me
to say that I don’t think it will spark a nuclear war, but what the hell do I
know anymore? People can be as unpredictable as they can be predictable. It
makes no sense for them to do so, but people don’t always exercise logic in
their actions. People do things all the time for no reason. Oh, I’m still sure
there will be one. I just think it will be after we’re gone. For now, I don’t
think Putin wants to destroy what he wants to take over. If he destroys
Ukraine, then it can’t become part of his territory.  

Russia and Ukraine

 The red sports car is still there, but they’ve been fairly
quiet. The motorcycle hasn’t gone out since the 20th. It seems
projects and company are mostly with keeps him off of the thing so I’m hoping
they stay awhile longer wherever they’re from. They’re a little too far to make
out the plate, but Tom thought it looked like an Ohio plate. Also, I don’t
think there are kids over there after all. I think what I initially heard was
just a teenager with a high-pitched voice. They were barbequing a little while
ago. It’s hard to believe they’re in for the night on a Saturday night but
maybe they are. It’s not late, but it’s not early either. 

With the way Darren is sometimes gone without Carrie for 9
hours at a time, I wonder if perhaps he’s working somewhere in the state at
least part-time. He strikes me as a construction kind of guy. 

Tom thought he would hear something today because there was
a scavenger hunt going on, but it was quiet. Someone was calling for their lost
pet yesterday and he thought it could be Toni’s cat. 

No, they weren’t in for the night. They both left at 7 for
an hour.   

Because we pay for it and there is so much space - a
terabyte to be exact - we decided to sync my pics to OneDrive. After I get used
to it, and if there are no problems, I’ll sync my docs as well. 

Tom had a full panel of labs done and everything came back
OK except that he’s pre-diabetic. He’s been that way for a few years now. He’s
been more active, but like me, he’s not willing to make dietary changes. We’re
more active, but we don’t want to give up treats forever, and I certainly don’t
want to half-starve myself to get to a healthier weight. 

According to Margaret, Dixie has been moved to a care
facility for “unruly” patients that are constantly under lockdown. She also has
seven figures in her account and said something about her leaving her money to
a couple she was friends with for years that would take Diane in sometimes for
a few days at a time. I remember them and that the friendship ended in one of
my last visits with Dixie. She said they were saying bad things about Diane or
something like that. Who knows? Dixie was/is so far out of her mind now that
you can’t understand or trust anything she says.  

I don’t know enough about the daughter who supposedly
married a wealthy man, but I feel bad for the son. I don’t know him either, but
I know I would be pissed if my mother was leaving millions to her friends and
not me. That’s got to hurt a lot worse than my parents leaving more to her
bratty grandkids.  

I can totally see Dixie as being unruly too, and I
doubt she’ll ever be going back home. It’s sad, but not surprising. Old or not,
Dixie did bring on a lot of her own problems with her stubbornness, selfishness,
and stupidity. 

This shit with Russia is a reminder that some people make
their own haters, and it isn’t always that people are racist or hateful or
anything like that. What’s scary is that it’s not just Putin (he has such ugly
Mona Lisa eyes) that is ordering this shit against Ukraine, but the thousands
and thousands of troops that are going along with his orders. How do you just
blow up and shoot innocent people like that and sleep at night?  

I know humanity – or most of it - will end because of a
nuclear war. I just don’t think it will happen while I’m still alive. However,
now I’m not so sure it will be the T-heads or North Korea to start it. Maybe it
will be Russia instead. They obviously don’t give a shit about the sanctions
being put on them by various countries, otherwise they wouldn’t be doing this.
I just don’t get it though. How much fucking space do you need when you’re
already the biggest country in the world space-wise? And is what they’re doing
going to encourage them to take over and invade other countries as well? 

I’ve been working on this entry on and off for hours. I
think it’s time to finish and post it. First, I was hearing the thumping of
bass earlier and it went on for more than just a minute. It wasn’t across the
street, though, but so much for not hearing that shit here. Doubt it was in the
park. I sure hope not anyway. More than likely it was a very loud car stereo
outside the park. The things people do for attention! 

We still play miniature golf on and off, sometimes by
ourselves and sometimes with each other. It’s not only fun playing, but it’s
also fun flying around the course and collecting lost balls even if most of
them are dull looking.  

Unruly patients

Since when Daksh started playing Chess. I also started playing, and I got so addicted to it that I play 20-40 games a day. That too, after so much control. These are live games, and take lot of time.

My ranking got all time high in 5 minutes Blitz.

Chess Ranking Update for 5 minute Blitz Rounds - My Addiction

 I got the art print that I won but didn’t win. The one where
I got a winning notification congratulating me just to open it and find it was
someone else that actually won the print that I complained about. It’s a lovely
panoramic view of Adobe-style homes. It looks like either Arizona or Southern
California. The only thing I don’t like about it is how orange the sky looks.
What is it with artists painting orangey skies and photographers making their
skies orangey, too? That’s just not natural. Especially when it’s a solid, even
color. I like everything else about it. The woman that painted it is definitely
talented, and I sent her a picture of it on my office wall. I taped it to the
wall. Oh, the artist just told me it was in Palm Springs. 

The project junkies across the street got rocks delivered
today. The bad news is that they didn’t get a pile dumped in the street for
them to spread out. They got them in large metal containers and it’s no doubt
going to make quite a racket when they dump batches into their wheelbarrow.
Then the truck has to return to pick up the containers. Ted said they were home
most of the morning, but since I got up at 11:30, the truck hasn’t been there.
Carly is, though, because she waved and said hello to me when we were on our
way out. 

The question is why are they doing this? Do they really care
about appearance? Is it just to have something to do? Or did the park get on
them about that area being so patchy? I still can’t believe they’re doing it to
sell the place although that would make me as happy as it would make me
worried. 

It’s too late in the day now for them to work, but I just
caught a glimpse of the white SUV pulling out that visits often. Looks like she
might have been in the passenger seat. I heard one bark from the big dog and a
few from what I’m guessing is the smaller one unless it was someone else’s dog
I was hearing. This was before I saw the SUV, though. 

I got to try another Chinese place earlier. I got $18 worth
of beef fried rice, beef and mushrooms, and fried wontons. It’ll last two or
three days. This place is better than the last place. 

We also stopped at CVS as well. I like how they’re selling
individual pieces of candy if you don’t want a whole candy bar. 

Tim has to go to the lab early tomorrow morning. He’s having
a full panel done.

2/23

Today, I got news that one more guy is leaving Adobe. Adhunik Gupta.

He was one of the guy with whom I'm impressed the most. When I first met him, he was almost 1 year experience. But, the way he talked, the way he solved problems, the way he explained something was something to learn from him. 

Over the years, he proved himself as one of the most reliable and most important team member. He is also one of stylish person. I liked the way he talks.

He is joining Google-london. Which suits his skill set and style. Anything lesser than Google will not suit him. I wish him all the best in life.

Adhunik Resigned - Google London

This year 2022, we have to get her admission finally to a school. As, she is turning 4 this year, and this is high time. Daksh is also studying in the same school.

The disadvantage in her case was that she has never went to some play-school. Due to Covid times, the schools were closed for full 2 years. We recently get her admitted to an online play-school footprints. Thanks to her mother, brother and youtube. She knew many things. She speaks english well. Sometimes, I even surprised how well she composed her sentences.

Let me tell you the story of her admission:

Bhavika is very very shy kid. Recently, I visited my maternal home. We stayed there for 5 days. But, she did not speak a single word to my brothers/bhabhi etc. Even, we did not get a chance to hear her clear voice. She spoke so slow there. Due to covid times as well, she never visited any physical school or any neighbours or parks. So, she has negligible social presence.

We filled her admission form online, and she got a call almost immediately for an interaction.

It was a google meet call. Where teacher asked so many things like drawing, name of animals, etc and etc. She responded so well. Maa'm gave a clean chit.

Second Interaction with the Principal Maam

So, first interaction was not enough. We had a second call and this time we parents, also had to sit with her. It was a call on mobile. Bhavika was excited. But, when the time came for her to speak. She did not speak a single word. The problem was that the principal madam was not speaking well according to kids. And, Bhavika got scared. I was so pissed-off with Bhavika that she did not speak anything. I tried to cover up for her. But her principal maam, said that there will be another round of interaction in school.

We were kind of angry to school that how many rounds you want from a 3 year old kid!

So, I took 2 hours off from office and we went to school. This time, we we made a plan. We took Daksh with us. And, I asked Daksh to let her engage in some activity and make her speak. We tried some combinations of tricks that Bhavika loves. 

Anyway, we reached school. There was rush of parents. Our turn came up fast. We all went in a room with a senior madam. She was very sweet, and the way she interacted with her was so cool. But, Bhavika was shy as usual. But, this time she was replying her. She learned some rhymes. But she did not sing that after so many requests. She interacted with Daksh as well. As he is from the same school. So, it was an advantage with us. She opened up an animal book, and asked names of many animals. Bhavika responded pretty well. She answered with the names which I was not even aware of, like Star-Fish, Crab :)

Anyway, she gave us a hint that its all ok. Her coordinator maam, Ritu told us to go back as principal madam was having a meeting. And, she straight away gave us the amount that we need to deposit if principal maam agrees. She said, 99.99% is done, but wait for principal maam.

We were sured of the admission. We had a Pizza Party that night. Daksh enjoyed it.

I got a call today (22 Feb 2022) that her admission is confirmed, and deposit the fee. She gave us a discount of 20% in the admission fee. 10% for sibling and 10% as girl child.

We had to deposit total of 119,500 Rs which includes one quarter fee. Its pretty expensive. I hate this about Noida.

But, I was very happy. Bhavika cleared her life's first exam. And, she joined the club of students.

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Bhavika finally got admission to Gyanshree School - Not an easy one!

 What a rude, inconsiderate little bastard across the street.
I loved yesterday and the day before because he was gone all day. They leave
the lanai windows open for the dogs, which miraculously don’t bark at
everything they see going by. They did squeal with delight, though, when they
returned because they were out for so long. They let them run around loose too,
but do stay confined to his property. Well, his and next door’s. He’s on the
corner. 

So after he washed and waxed both the car and the motorcycle,
he ran the motorcycle for about 20 seconds, maneuvering it up the driveway and
into place. Like he really couldn’t walk the damn thing into place? Tom says he
was checking the charger. Unfortunately, it’s not covered yet and I doubt it’s
because it’s still wet but more like that he plans to use it more often. Fucker
looks like a biker too. Stocky build, tats up the arms, etc. 

Anyway, I napped for a bit before this started because I again
woke up hot flashing two or three times in my sleep. 

No energy for going out for a walk today. We went out
yesterday morning and it was a very misty but pleasant walk. If I didn’t know
any better, I would think it just rained because there was so much dew all over
the place. 

I’m 4% through my trip and heading for the Nevada border. If
I can get the energy for at least that much, I’ll make it today. 

G called in my refill and also said that my hormones
could be at play, but it’s hard to say if they’re entirely to blame or not. Not
surprisingly, they asked if I tried a therapist and I told them I tried that, a
shrink, and psych meds to no avail. I swear something doesn’t want me treating
the things that I get for the most part. Can’t treat the anxiety, can’t fully
treat my thyroid, can’t treat my cholesterol. I’m still guessing the bulk of my
problem is on the medication, which really sucks because my need for it isn’t
going to change nearly as much as my hormones may. I think I’ll always have to
be hypo and adjust my waiting time. At least I haven’t been skipping though!  

Rude

 I'm a bit tired today and it's definitely more due to how I
slept than anything else. I kept waking up hot flashing. I definitely slept
better with the temperature under the 70s. I just don't want to drop the
temperature anymore and really jack up the electric bill. 

Very disappointing TSH results at 13. So I only dropped by
one point. The number 13 kept popping into mind before I got the results, but I
rejected it quickly. I just hated to think I could only be down one point. I
still didn't feel the greatest yesterday either. If only I could quit the med
for a year! That would definitely tell me one way or another if the medication
was involved. Eventually, I'll address the anxiety with my doc. I picked up my
lab results on the site. I haven't heard from them yet. I want to see what
my doc has to say first. Today and yesterday I decreased my waiting time to
1/2 hour. So we'll see if that and being back on days helps. 

Doc just acknowledged that I have anxiety on this
medication, so they wanted to know if I would be willing to increase my dose to
two 88s a week rather than jump to every day and if I needed refills. I told
them I needed refills on the 75s and that even though there has been an
increase in anxiety since adding one 88, I’ll be willing to give it a try and
hope for the best. I asked if I could still be affected by my hormones, even
though it’s been two years without a bleed as it's a coincidence that my
struggles with anxiety didn’t begin until after the medication. I still highly
doubt I’ll ever be able to stand to get my numbers normal. 

The 9 that I saw in my dream was in the lab results. It was
just in the wrong test. My T4 is 1.29. 

Chatted with Chris for a while. It was a nice chat. 

Downloaded a meditation app, but I'm sure it won't do me
much good. Again, I'm not stressed out because of things going on in my life. It’s
something going on in my body. Although, I will admit I felt calmer after
getting the results, as disappointing as they were. 

We went out yesterday looking for the waterbed place but
started to turn around when we saw it. At least now we know where it is. At
some point, I may get a waterbed because I think it may help me sleep better.
Then I also won't have to deal with sagging, lumpy mattresses and change them
every few years. I'm thinking that if I keep the heater turned off or down
really low. It will keep me from overheating in my sleep. 

We stopped at Burger King on the way back. 

Jessie should get her stuff in a day or two. Hopefully, she
won't wait on letting me know that she got it and if anything broke. I hope
nothing breaks and I hope she'll be kind enough to let me know if it does
because that's how I know if I can ship like this in the future.  

Not sure if she's reporting 100% of what she hears, though.
She told me she didn't hear any boom car stereos on the way to and from Tampa
and right away I knew that wasn't possible. We heard three or four of them just
seven or eight miles out. That and the loud engines from some motorcycles and
muscle vehicles were pretty obnoxious and noticeable. Tom says maybe she just
doesn't notice them because she's not bothered by these sounds. But how can you
not notice something so obvious? I notice subtle sounds that don't bother me
like chirping birds. I get that I'm more observant than most, but still. She's
either deaf or playing things down. I don't see why she would play things down
intentionally, though. Either way, I would be willing to bet she's hearing the
same things we hear. 

They're back to being out a lot across the street, which I
like because then that's less time to worry about the motorcycle. I expected it
to be taken out yesterday since it was taken out two days in a row, but it
wasn't. For a while, they seem to swap with next door. Next door was going out
more often while they were staying home more often. Next door doesn't matter,
but hopefully across the street will be out more often, like yesterday. 

I passed the 100-mile marker into my trip! I should make it
to the Nevada border today. Based on my calculations, if I continue to do 4% a
week I should complete the trip in early August. Right now I'm just south of
Lake Tahoe. I'm going by Caples Lake. I passed a place called Tragedy Springs
earlier and I looked it up to see why it was called that, figuring some people
drowned there. Instead, I learned that some campers were murdered in the 40s.  

100 Miles

Today was voting day in Noida. And, we went for casting our vote. To my surprise, my wife agreed to give vote to the party which I wanted.

She had to goto mall for some shopping. She dropped me at our society gate and went away. Few minutes after, I got a call from her. She was angry, the car key was with me :)

I tried my mind, and said perhaps it works from mobile phone. But, lets not take the risks. As, we never tried this trick. I asked her to come back. She also did not turned-off the engine. Cool mind she has :)

I forgot the Car Key in my Pocket

 Andy turned 60 yesterday. Andy, who wants to be called Mark.
He said it took his family a while to get used to the idea of it and it will
definitely take me a while too. I’ll call him that directly, but will refer to
him as Andy in my journal and when discussing him with Tom. 

I’m not sure who the hell it was, but I was hearing some kind
of power tool for a few days. It wasn’t a circular saw. If anything, it
reminded me of an electric drill. I first thought it was across the street
because of the way he moved his golf cart back into his driveway. Then for a
split second yesterday, I saw him with a blower. Maybe it was coming from
behind him. I saw an old guy stop at his place the other day. They chatted for
about 20 seconds and at one point the guy gestured behind his place. It wasn’t
nearly as maddening as when Bob and the guy that moved in across from him would
be at times. I could drown it out with the air cleaner on low, but couldn’t drown
out anything at the old place on high. 

While I was unwinding with my audiobook at 3:30 yesterday,
out went the motorcycle for an hour. I could hear it, but I could also
definitely see how I could sleep through it with the underwater sounds playing.
All I had on at the time were the air cleaner and fan. 

I saw him put the golf cart and back again as well. This was
while watching on the camera. 

Interestingly enough, as soon as I asked Jessie to text me
her address and she agreed to do so, so I could send her the gifts, I didn’t
hear from her for a couple of days. Tom suggested that maybe asking for the
address freaked her out, but I didn’t see why it would after all these years.
Instead, I figured she was busy even though she did check in on Facebook on and
off over the last couple of days.  

She just told me a little while ago that they got their
moving pod and have been busy unpacking and she’s working as well. It is a
weird coincidence, though, that does make me wonder. She had time to check in
on Facebook but not to text me her address? She said she’s not freaked out at
all and I would hope and I would think that she would say so if she didn’t want
to divulge it. Even though I shouldn’t let it get to me, I get tired of waiting
on people that claim they’re busy. We’re all busy. I’ve never been
busier. I can’t remember the last time I looked at the clock and realized I had
four or five hours left of my day to figure out what to do with. 

The AC guy came out yesterday, and all hopes of getting an
AC for 4K have been dashed with the ongoing inflation crisis. They did, however,
offer to sell the same AC for 6K that the first guy wanted to sell for 9K.
Still, that’s a lot of money we owe. He was kind enough to throw in a new grill
for us and also add smart features. It’ll be done by next Monday. 

I guess I misunderstood Tom when I said he’d given up on the
rest of the projects. He said he just doesn’t want anymore. Unless an emergency
comes up, I can’t imagine what more there is other than what we’ve already
talked about. They left some Round-Up here so he went out and used it up on the
weeds that were growing by the house. 

Today’s lab day. I’m just a little tired because I forced
myself to get up a little earlier, not wanting to sleep too late in case they
can’t get the AC in before Monday. It takes the better part of the day to do
it, so they’re going to be out at around 10:00. 

For once I had some unusual and interesting dreams, even if
they were still negative. It started off with me thinking of Andy traveling
alone and thinking how boring it would be if I was traveling alone. 

Then Tom and I were staying at a hotel. When I got up in the
morning, the coffee machine exploded. As I was cleaning up the mess, I realized
my medication was sitting there and I thought to myself, didn’t I already
take my med this morning? I was afraid to take it in case I was double
dosing, but then I was afraid not to because I didn’t want to mess up my lab
results. I opted not to and we left the hotel, which was a brief and quiet
stay. I don’t know where we were or where we were going. 

Then Tom and I were sitting in what looked like the center
of a mall. We weren’t sitting right next to each other although we could see
each other. 

I noticed a young girl who had been a part of a group of
girls that were wearing matching dresses and quickly singing something. One was
heavily pregnant. The girl who was in her 20s or 30s kept looking at me.
Finally, she approached me and told me how pretty I was and how she wanted to
get a picture of me. I thought it was odd that anyone would find me attractive
at this age but consented to having my picture taken. 

“I would have worn makeup had I known you were going to take
my picture,” I said. 

She said that was no problem and then another woman who was
a little older was smoothing back my hair to one side. A split second later I
was nodding to Tom as I was heading out of the mall with the women and sitting
between them in a car heading towards a place I assumed they were going to take
my picture in. But then I started getting suspicious about their vagueness and
what their true intentions were. I began to fear they were taking me to a strip
club. I told them I was open-minded and I had been a stripper way back when and
was bisexual and all that but had only agreed to have my picture taken and didn’t
want to be gone long. They said something about 15 minutes to three hours. I
didn’t have my phone with me, so I asked to use theirs so I could let Tom know
where I was. Although the woman did hold out her phone to me, I suddenly
realized I couldn’t remember Tom’s number. So the dream ended with me never
knowing for sure where I was going or with any way to reach Tom.  

Dreams and Such

If all goes well, Florida will feel like Florida starting tomorrow. So, 6 weeks of winter. It’s better than 6 months, but I was really hoping for 6 days. 

Speaking of 6, it seems the good doc only sleeps about 6 hours a night. She seems to go offline around midnight and get up at 6. I wonder if I’m the only former or current patients she’s got on her list. I asked Jessie and Andy’s opinion on the matter and whether or not they would be surprised if a former doctor accepted their friend request and Jessie said maybe she’s just friendly to everyone and only keeps in touch with those she’s close to. That’s what I’m thinking. 

Andy’s response was a little surprising. He said his current doc gave him her cell phone number and said to call anytime he wants to chat or has questions. He doesn’t contact her very often because he doesn’t want to bug her knowing how busy she is. But back when he was losing weight and was all excited about it, he called her for advice. 

Yesterday I didn’t have any anxiety and today I feel slightly borderline. We’re going to the store later, so I’m sure that will help. 

I finally finished Jessie’s diamond painting! It felt like it took me forever. Later on, we’ll spray it with the sealer outside on the grass. I asked for her address and she said she would text it to me. So yeah, she’s definitely afraid to do much on Facebook. I don’t know if it’s because she had a bad experience with it or something else, but she’s definitely paranoid about what she shares. She never appears to post anything and I’m guessing she has me excluded from being able to see her posts. That might kind of sting a bit depending on what it is and how often. I do understand wanting to stick to sharing with family and all that but I just would think good friends would be included. I can’t help but wonder out of curiosity what she posts, how often, and who sees it. I do remember a long time ago she mentioned something about being hesitant to post things for future employers to see. I understand her on that much because unfortunately, you can be fired for what you do outside of work. 

If you say “Hey Facebook” on the Oculus it does things for you like shut down the device, take pictures, and record videos. I recorded a quick clip of me boxing and also riding my board. I’ve taken snapshots as well for a photo album I created for my VZfit trips. 

I’m still in NorCal and 2% through the trip in a place called Sutter Creek. It’s going to be a while before I get out of Cali. 

I’m a little frustrated with Tom because he doesn’t seem to want to finish the rest of the home projects. He was supposed to make the living room shades smart, replace a couple of old blinds, and a few other things as well. At least the AC guy will be here tomorrow. The day after that is lab day. Who knows when he’ll get the guy out to look at the roof? I’ve pretty much given up hope of fixing up the lanai to use as an extra room. He really seems determined to keep that as a storeroom of sorts. 

Hey Facebook

 My weight definitely wants to go up. I’ve been seeing 163
more often at the end of my day, and I know how it works. Once I see a new high,
I’ll be seeing it more and more often until it becomes a regular thing, and
then eventually a thing of the past as I continue on up the scale.  

We went bike riding again. The weather was gorgeous and
breezy. However, I was a bit lightheaded today for a while. Not quite as much
energy as yesterday but more than I thought I would have. 

He and I got to talking about how hypo I’ve been and the
waiting time between taking my meds and having my coffee. He says he swore
Doc O told me to wait an hour. So I did a basic Google search and one hour
is recommended more than a half-hour. Also, caffeine can interfere with the
absorption of the medication so I decided I would start waiting an hour. I’m
also going to make sure I don’t take my magnesium until four hours after taking
it. Doc A told me not to take vitamin C or calcium before 4 hours, but iron
and magnesium also came up on the list of things to wait on. 

I don’t think I can ever get back into the single digits on
this dose, even with waiting. I think my thyroid really has died off some more.
But I may have been adding to my problems without realizing it. I just hope the
magnesium can keep working its magic whenever I do manage to get my TSH lower
and keep the anxiety away. So I’m gonna drop the plan to take 88s and try
waiting an hour on just the 75s for starters. Tomorrow he’ll be able to make
some calls and start getting some answers as to when I can see who and where
and how. I’m thinking an Endo will want to start off seeing me in person, but I
don’t know for sure. 

We’ve been getting some apps, but they haven’t been all that
impressive. He got a car racing app that sucks. I got a language practice app
that is kind of confusing. Plus I got a Cirque du Soleil app that has about a
half dozen acts. I’ve always loved them, but this isn’t very impressive for
Cirque du Soleil. It’s just OK. 

For what was at least the third time since we’ve been here,
an ambulance showed up at the house next to Toni’s. Because there were two cop
cars and other vehicles, including golf carts in the area, we thought maybe
someone died. I stepped out at one point and asked the officers if everything
was OK and they said it was all good. Did “all good” mean that it was all good in
that there was nothing dangerous going on in the hood or that it was all good
because no one died? 

I couldn’t help but notice how young the cops looked, which
is a reminder that I’m getting up there in age. LOL, I swear they looked more
like boys than men. The type one could picture at a party getting drunk and
acting all immature and silly.  

Increasing my waiting time

My name is .... actually my name is not important. I can be anyone.  Your sister, your brother, your son or daughter. I can be your friend, your co-worker. I can be your boss or your employee or even someone you see on the street or your teacher or your student.

It's really not important. What is important is that for a little over 2 years I'm battling with depression, anxiety disorders and B.E.D which is an eating disorder.

The reason I want to share my story is because I'm still trying to understand how I got here. Up until the time my world fell apart I thought that I was in control of everything.  To be honest I had some panic attacks but I didn't think any of it and I was trying to control the short of breathing the heart pumping hard. Actually I didn't even know that those were panic attacks!

But what really drove me to start writing is that video .

The first time I saw that video I thought " awo it's a pity that people with depression go through that but it can't be that bad....I mean it's a dog, and dogs are good, companion, Right?"

Ready or not Depression Attacks

 Oh wow. Someone clicked open nearly every single of my 9K+
entries on MD throughout the late afternoon and night. Abby? Lenore M, our
old neighbor that I shared the link with just for shits and giggles? 

Based on the number of reads I’m getting per current entry
on MD, I’m guessing I get a hell of a lot more than I realize on PB, which is
more active than MD. I guess that you can’t hide from having your click counted
on MD when you open an entry even if you could hide your location. With PB,
it’s easier to hide from personal trackers like what I have. I always figured I
had more visitors than I could see on PB. 

I decided to give the 88s another try, only slower this
time. I took an 88 this morning because I’m sick of the hypo symptoms. It’s
getting harder to keep my weight down, and sooner or later I’m going to lose
the battle and gain some more. I’m only taking one 88 this week. Next week I’ll
take two and then the week after, I’ll make a second attempt to tolerate 3 88s
a week. This will tell me if it really caused my anxiety the last time or was
just a coincidence just like with the brand thing. 

We’ve been in this house five months today and we finally
took the bikes out yesterday. Bike riding is so much easier here than in NorCal!
But you still get a good workout. It was tons of fun, and I would do it again
today if I weren’t so tired. I was up just over 18 hours, which always leaves
me tired the next day. I’m surprised I got a sleep score of 91 because I know I
woke up three or four times. 

It’s nice to have a “smart” kitchen again. It took him a
while but he made the light switch in the kitchen smart. I guess the size of it
wasn’t ideal. He’s also going to make another light in the kitchen smart later
on. 

So like I said, we’ve been here 5 months now. It’s great to
finally be in a place where I’m not constantly saying how much I can’t wait to
get the fuck out. While it would still be nice to be near Jessie and have a
bigger place with a washer and dryer in it, I don’t know if I’ll want to move.
Small or not, this house is ideal in many ways and I love not having houses surrounding
all four sides of us. I’m sure it’ll change, though. Things always get worse, so
I don’t expect the peace to last forever. If they don’t build something in back
of us, we’ll get the wrong neighbors in time. I don’t expect Toni to go
anywhere anytime soon, but across the street could get worse, and if something’s
wrong with the people next door that they haven’t been here this winter, it
could get sold to problematic full-timers. As I’ve learned the hard way,
complaining isn’t usually a good solution. It just gets you spited and makes
things worse. Besides, what I might consider noisy doesn’t necessarily mean
they’re doing anything wrong. It does say in the rules that you can’t have
parties that can be heard in other people’s houses, but they can do all the
home improvements they want. And if their dog has a few quick barking spurts throughout
the day, they’re technically not doing anything wrong as long as it’s in the
daytime. For now, though, I’m really enjoying how much quieter it is here than
the other place. One major project in five months is a serious improvement from
the other park. The main annoyance is the planes. The commercials have been
quieter due to Omicron, but there was a swarm of small planes yesterday that
was annoying. But do I really want to go where it could be noisier and we’d be at
more risk of hurricanes and flooding? 

Yesterday he cast my Oculus to the TV so he could see what I
was doing as I was doing it. This way he could guide me through Rec Room, which
is a little complicated to get established in. I set up a profile and went
through the tutorial and all that. Then I finally got to play the bowling game
he plays. I suck at it just like golf, but it was fun. Even if I don’t have the
energy to work out today, I can still do some golfing and bowling. Maybe play
an archery game too? It seems the possibilities are endless with RV. 

Can’t wait for my new set of nail polishes. I think it will
be good to alternate between polish and stickers. They both have their pros and
cons. Polish is so much easier and you don’t have the filing and all that
stuff. But it definitely doesn’t last as long, and your designs are limited. It’s
nice not having to tug off the stickers even though I have to wait for polish
to dry. 

I’m kind of pissed at myself for not reading the description
carefully on the dolphin diamond painting I got for Jessie. It has those square
drills I hate. They are, however, easier to place with this kind of glue
because it isn’t as sticky. This way I can position them better. 

I used the brush-on sealer for the one I just finished of a
seaside town and at first it looked like someone spilled milk on it. I was
worried it wouldn’t
dry clear, but it did. 

I
installed this really cool add-on to Chrome called Toucan that translates
random words in different languages. Since I’m reviewing the Italian course
now, I set it to that. When I do the German, I’ll switch to that. 

Tomorrow
is beach day! I don’t just want the beach, I need the beach. As long as
the summer storms don’t go waking me up more than traffic did at the old place,
I can’t see myself ever leaving this state. I can totally see why Nane couldn’t
wait to escape Germany in the winter and head down to Turkey or Greece.  

Tom
got some bottled water to take and I realized how it would make us pee more.
But then he reminded me that they do have bathrooms. Yeah, but they’re not just
a few steps away either. Therefore, while I would never pee in a pool, would I
pee in the ocean? Fish do it all the time, so I don’t see how it could harm
anything. I don’t know if I could do that, though. I’m not a kid anymore.  

Would you pee in the ocean?

im currently not having school because of end of the year holiday but right after this holiday, my school gonna have a test and it's full format and i bet it's tough bcs my school is kinda an ass. it's been like a month and i still haven't started anything yet and i hate myself for that. i haven't started studying yet, im gonna go back to school in two-three weeks and im mentally not ready. i really hatey school eventhough i've been there for 4 years and i still hate it. that school ruins me and rn, i don't even have the will to study. im just studying for the sake of my mom and i don't like that. i personally, love doing things with my own will and rn, im not enjoying it. i know that i don't have to like my school bcs majority of people doesn't like them either but im not like that. i have to at least like a little bit so that i can push myself to do something but rn, im lost. i can't function rn. my brain is stuck and i can't do this anymore. i hate school from the core of my heart and i really wanna change school but my mom wouldn't let me. she told me that my school is an elite school and it can make things better for my future and i know that but how am i supposed to learn anything if i can't open my mind to it? im so done. i wanna run but where am i supposed to go? i really wanna x-x but my religion against it. im stuck man, im stuck. it sucks bcs i can't fucking do anything. i just have to act like im okay with fucking everything. im tired being a fcking people pleaser. pls. i wanna not be here anymore. im so fcking tired with this world and i just don't want it anymore. im fucking done . idk what to now. i don't see my future being bright just by being in that school. that school sucks ass and i hate it with all of my cell. nothing can change my view of that school. fuck u 

life update :/

 The day before Christmas I
slept through quite a parade, according to Tom. We didn’t even know they did
parades here. They went by twice on golf carts shouting “Ho-ho-ho!” and honking
horns. He said they were pretty loud. 

Now, will the Canadian
couple across the street come honking back in their truck before or after the New
Year? 

The dog in back that goes
off all night long reminds me of Brandy and Whiskey. I’m guessing those dogs
are dead by now, although Whiskey could be on his last leg. Either way, I’m
sure Jesse replaced them with new dogs to store outside like old furniture and to
bark their asses off. 

Anyway, if the dog in back
was just a little louder, it would be annoying. If we had any kind of a back
porch or patio, I wouldn’t want to be out there at night. It barks on and off
in spurts, sometimes for hours at a time. I still have to believe the owner(s)
work third shift because I don’t see how the hell they could sleep through all
that barking. If I can hear it hundreds of feet away, how could they not? I
feel bad for the neighbors! I wonder why it’s easier to hear on some nights as
opposed to others, but I’m guessing it has to do with the time of year,
temperature, and wind direction. 

We got a bike rack to park
two bikes and put it in the corner in front. When I say the corner, I mean
between the outer walls of the lanai and kitchen. We could bolt it to the
ground, but decided it’s very unlikely that as long as they were locked up that
anyone would be that desperate to take the rack and bikes as a whole. We’re not
out very often, and if they were going to make a try for it, that’s when it
would be. 

We also gotta cover for
them so that in the summer when it’s too hot and humid, we can cover them and
keep them from getting too weathered. 

For the first time in the
five months we’ve been in this house, I’m going for a bike ride later on.
Yesterday morning was so cold when I went out walking that I just went around
the block and back. I totally felt like I was back at the old place! 

I have a nail polish set on
the way with 24 different colors. Yes, you read right. The sticker whore is
getting nail polish. I’m thinking that tugging off the stickers may also have a
hand in why I’ve got nail lifting. You really do have to tug hard. That’s what
makes them so good and makes you able to shower with them and do heavy cleaning
and all kinds of stuff. Some nails actually look a little better, but my thumbs
are horrible for some reason. Perhaps that’s because they’re bigger and so
there’s more tugging on those nails when removing the stickers. I still think
most of it is likely due to my thyroid, but I figure it can’t hurt to go back
and forth and do polish for a while and then go back to stickers. 

The few bottles of polish I
have are old and need to be replaced. I was hesitant at first to get a set of polish
because I figured there would be colors I didn’t like, but I found one that doesn’t
have any boring earth tones and they’re full-size bottles too. 

I also got a new portable
bidet similar to the other one we had because these bidets leave me too wet.
The stream is simply too wide. It’s fine for taking a dump, but not for women.
I just wonder if the wetness is part of what’s caused my rash. 

I shared my MD link with
Abby privately and I wonder if it’s her that clicked on dozens of entries
yesterday. I mean dozens and dozens! Even if they glanced at them for just a
second, it still would have taken hours to click open a dozen or more entries
from each year that I’ve written.  

Shut up!

 OMG, it’s so
cold out there! This does not feel like Florida. We’ve been having a
cold spell and it’s going to be another day or so before it ends and we stop dropping
to 50 degrees or lower at night. We didn’t even need the AC at all the day
before yesterday. Definitely wish we could have afforded to head further south,
but fortunately, these cool spells don’t last long and this is only the second
one. 

Can’t believe
how long I slept last time around. 9 hours and 47 minutes, according to Fitbit. 

A few days
ago, Tom said his bad ear was weird. He said it was like he couldn’t hear at
all from it and it was vibrating in a strange way. 

My nails are
still lifted and sensitive, and I have a groin rash. I’ve had it before, only
this time around Gold Bonds doesn’t seem to be helping, so I switched to
hydrocortisone. Then when I looked up the best remedies for it, it suggested
alcohol or ACV. Well, I’m going back to adding ACV shots to my sparkling water
because it does seem that my skin got worse since I stopped them. I just have
to make sure I have a banana every day. 

On next year’s
calendar, I’m going to mark a T whenever I’m tired. Like too tired to work out.
I’ll put an M down whenever a motor of some kind wakes me up, be it
motorcycles, trucks, helicopters, whatever. I’ll put in an A if I’m anxious, and
an S if storms wake me up. 

I got up at
midnight and until 4:00 in the morning, I heard tons of motorcycles blazing
around outside the park. In one case I heard what sounded like a group of them.
Where are all these people going on Christmas at that hour? I can’t believe
such racket is allowed at that hour. And I still wonder when the hell anyone’s
gonna do anything about it. How do people sleep through that shit? It’s like
the laws that allow for such monstrous motors and boom car stereos don’t have any
more respect for people than the people that do this shit. 

I was looking
around on Amazon for different ideas to add to my future Etsy store. Besides
just diamond paintings, crystal pendants in all kinds of colors seem to be
popular, so maybe I can add those. I found a small kit that would generate a
decent profit if they sold, but not cost me much if they didn’t. 

I thought
about including the shipping in the price of things, but I don’t know about
that in the case of international sales. It might be better to add a shipping
calculator and have them put in their ZIP code and base it on that. 

We ran out to
Publix yesterday morning. Love that store. Just wish it wasn’t so expensive. I
grabbed a couple of boxes of scallops in garlic sauce as well as mushroom risotto.
Plus I wanted to get raw peanuts to bake for snacks. I just wanted some variety
instead of the usual meat and veggies. 